December 10, 2012
Dear Death,
I won't live to see the end of the world, but I'll live to the end of my days.
I don't wish I'll live longer. I really don't. I've accepted my fate, I've accepted who I am. And that's okay.
Only until recently, I've been worried that I'm not who I really am. What if dying has turned me into something in not?
That scares me.
I want to die being me.
I don't want to die like my cousin, I don't want to die like this, I don't want to die not being me.
What a way to live.
Deep down, I hope my parents will be relieved when I die. I'm like an anchor, holding them down, drowning them at sea.
It really makes me worried that they'll follow in my footsteps.
Tomorrow is my last day. I want to make today last.
So today I'll try.
I'm not sure what to try for.
Two hours later, I'm still laying here writing.
That's okay.
Because one thing I've always wanted to be was a writer.
The problem is, is that I'm bad at words.
I hope my letters will reach you, Death. And that you'll read it and understand. Because no one here does.
This reminds me of somebody that I used to know.
Isn't that a song?
Anyway, this guy I used to know. He was cute for a guy, I guess. He kept me company, he didn't treat me like everyone else, he treated me like I was normal.
And that was okay.
He knew my dad somehow, which is how I met him in the first place.
He was nice.
Nothing happened between us. Nothing.
But I still enjoyed his presence.
He stayed with me. He mostly didn't say anything. He sat there while I cried for no reason at all, sometimes he held me, trying to keep a broken girl together. He never said anything.
Sometimes that's the best way to be with someone.
To just sit there, hold them, and not say anything.
To just let them no you're there is sometimes enough.
Enough for me, anyway.
Until one day, he left. It didn't surprise me. Because everyone leaves eventually. It was his words that surprised me.
Before he left he said,"It's hard loving someone death can touch," then he left.
I haven't seen him since.
Yours soon,
The Dying Girl
