it actually worked

only part or maybe more idk

I met her November first. I was just some kid hanging out with my friend watching a movie but when she came over I didn't know the chaos I was getting myself into but God was it worth it. You would think it started off as something beautiful but no. It was rotten full of anger and self pity. I didn't get her no I had to wait almost a year. But her past may be checkered but who says mine isnt even with the people or person I dated and the many love interest that didn't work would fill the void but I still found myself drawn back to her somehow. Maybe it was through a text or a call or me and her somehow hanging out again. But spring break was when I started seeing her again it may have been her and some guy that was once my friend but someone I soon dropped for certain reasons I guess I'll say after. But it angered me even when I wasn't angry person I guess with more time I spent with her it led me to be I never showed it nor did I ever properly think it. But it was there. Slowly being fed more and more. It wasn't who I was nor is it who I am. Anymore atleast. But what I can say was that trip I took to lakehills atleast before that I had some hope but I learned what I didn't want to learn. She really didn't love me. I did want any hopeless romantic would do. I kept my head up around people I showed them that I wasn't dying inside. But when the lights turned off. I let my mind open. I let all the pain out as much as I could until my eyes couldn't take the stinging pain that the tears gave to me. I tried my best to let people know I was okay but only one person knew how I felt he told me to forget about the things that hurt me. As much as I wanted to let go of it. Something told me I shouldn't. Something kept pushing me to walk through the flames and endure it. I never learned what gave me the strength to keep moving forward. The more I kept going the people changed my brother was gone and I had new " friends". That's atleast how I saw them in the beginning but there was one thing that didn't change. It was her she was always there I don't know if it was a sign or something but it kept me going seeing her smile seeing her laugh at my horrible jokes. Even the times they would spend at my house they were all there. But I never payed them any attention I was always give her all of my attention hearing her problems even if what she talked about pissed me off I found some way to keep me going. It was what I can recall was some night in my pool our friends left but she stayed cause I can't lie we were all intoxicated but I could still keep a level head. I made a move something I thought the old me could never do. It started off something that was horrible but only filled with lust and betrayal. All the text all the words exchanged were just things I planned out in some sick game of my own just to get what I always wanted. Her. I used everyone and everything I could get my hands on I never told anyone my true intentions I helped those who needed only to get to her I lied to everyone about what I thought or how I felt I went with it. The pain I used to feel was replaced with determination. The pain was still there. I would cry myself to sleep trying to figure out what to do. I even resorted having conversations with myself on what to do and how to do it. But if I'm to be truthful there wasn't any love in the beginning I don't think she even loved me. But the more time I spent with her I got to know her. She got to know me. And it turned into the one thing I assumed I could never get. Her love for me. The so called master planned I had changed. I stopped using those around me as much. I only focused on what would make her happy now. We called every night falling asleep on the phone. Sure it doesn't sound as much but it helped us sleep. Because we preferred sleeping in each others arms. As time passes I never thought I would hear her say those three words. She even told me the little things I did with her that I thought she wouldn't even care about but it touched me deep inside all that pain all that anger and hatred just left me. I finally found what I was looking for. A reason to be truly happy in life