the day started off a mess, and well, kevin was there, head in his hands. kevin felt clustered, yet so empty at the same time. it was like there was something disconnecting him from the real world. especially since what he had considered "his world" just left him. in a blink of an eye, jacob had said three cold words to him and left. who knows why the fuck jacob did that? kevin looked up and only saw the empty walls. was that it? he had nothing to live for now. his dull eyes and ripped satin pajamas dragging him along. jacob wasn't the type to be straightforward with these kinds of things, so why did he just walk out on kevin like that? certainly there was a reason. kevin wondered on and on, lulling himself to the realm of dreams. it was eight am, and he had yet to sleep, so why not get some rest before the tears pour in?
as his eyes closed, he felt his dreams collapsing. all before him, the little footsteps he made to success, all retreated. the life that he had, sucked out of him, because of a certain boy. it felt like a wound. the emotions clouded his mind for the longest time, even though he was far gone from consciousness. kevin didn't wanna let go of jacob. the pain consuming him more and more as he drifts away. jacob was more than just his boyfriend. they were the bestest of friends way before their feelings. and kevin didn't know how to cope without jacob. the realization that the one caused him to try and cope is jacob, instead of the one helping him cope. the tables do turn on you sometimes. your dreams, turned to the pits of nothing. the pain of yesterday, with the guilt of today.
TW !!! SUICIDAL THOUGHTS!!!!
the way jacob's eyes glimmered like that when he held kevin, the way he was so soft spoken to kevin. it ate kevin up. the life sucked out of him. in his mind, he had nothing to live for. he looked up at the glistening sun, murmuring, "why did it have to be me?" and the emotion behind those words. it hurt kevin deeply. all he wanted to do was die, drown in the sea below him. jacob WAS his world. jacob was the one thing that kept him up and going, and how that he vanished, he had nothing to live for. the moments they had, meant to be forgotten. kevin wanted to see red, all over himself. he didn't care for anything, or anyone anymore. jacob leaving kevin's heart behind was the arrow that shot kevin. the broken heart only wanted an escape from it's already broken owner.
by now, it was 4am. the boys nowhere to be seen. only small whispers of sweet nothings fill the overbearing sunrise. the sweet little nothings eventually turned into soft pats. jacob knew what was gonna happen. he just couldn't lie to himself anymore. the sweet voice he made to kevin meant nothing to him anymore. their moments of skinship didn't spark anything in him anymore. there was nothing to it except for everlasting guilt. jacob didn't love kevin anymore, and that was it. but why did he still feel sympathy for the fallen boy? the lovesick, soft-spoken, crying boy in his arms? was it his nature, or the lingering feelings of yesterday?
kevin's hearty laugh, his warm hands, the way he sung his heart out. jacob just couldn't understand what he had done to himself. he knew it was bad, but couldn't bring himself to believe that it was that bad for him. it ate him up seeing kevin in a unstable moment, and jacob being the reason for it. "the world is cruel" he thought to himself. jacob ran his hands through kevin's soft locks, letting a tear drop. he wished there weren't any feelings, he wanted the old moonbae duo, the best friends. but now they were here, kevin crying himself to sleep in jacob's arms, shivering. their worlds had met at the wrong time, and collided. the grass turned into nothing, and the sun coiled down. their universe was crying as well. there would be nothing of moonbae, and only the pieces they could reap. maybe they would come back as stronger people, but the world is cruel.
once kevin finally woke up, he felt like he was spinning, crying to the point of exhaustion, he cried out "cobie? cobie..?" the most beautiful voice jacob had ever heard, the one he once cherished everyday. oh, how cruel the milky way is, oh how the stars collide and turn us all until grieving creatures. the shaky laugh jacob let out as he mumbled back, "oh... hey kebie... how are you?" those last three words hit kevin like a pang. why the fuck would jacob say that, they both knew the answer. staring at each other in an unbearable silence, jacob staring at the univeerse in kevins eyes, the beautiful stars align to make his sweet sweet kebie shine bright. oh how he wished he could tell kevin it's gonna be okay and that they'll still love each other for eternity. but jacob couldn't lie to himself, we all know he couldn't. the way kevin laid in his arms, staring into his dull eyes. jacob couldn't help but let the thoughts of tomorrow sink in. a life without waking up next to kevin, spooning kevin, listening to him play the piano and harmonize with it. life seemed empty without the moon to his sun.
but there was nothing jacob or kevin could do. it was just life. and life goes on, right? this was gonna be the equivalent of a beautiful hs relationship ended too early? right? he could just tell his future family about this? unless. unless they get back together as moonbae. maybe, just maybe one day they'll be able to see the universe in each other's eyes again.
