This is the real story of how America began and everything, not that dumb stuff teachers tell you!
Once upon a time not so long ago, there was a little boy named Mel Gibson. He loved America, the country he lived in, but they were under British rule. The tyrants who "ruled" over America were called One Direction. All of the citizens lived in fear of their homosexual tendencies and bad music. But Mel Gibson would not stand for it! When he grew up, and had a few kids, he got straight to work. He joined Michael Jackson and the others in the America is Free squad which also included Benjamin Franklin and Christopher Walken. Together they gathered weapons and made a super-robot named the Declaration of Awesome. But One Direction had also been planning and had gathered an evil army called the Morgan Not-So-Free Men. The Declaration of Awesome and the Morgan Not-So-Free Men started fighting. The Morgan Not-So-Free Men were singing some weird music but then Christopher Walken stomped on a lot of them with the robot and was like “sorry for Walken all over you! Ho!” Then Benjamin Franklin got the key to his apartment and put it onto a kite and like controlled the lightning onto the Not-So-Free Men. Then Michael scared the rest of the army away with his Thriller. But then out of the dust a huge robot-mech appeared! One Direction also had made a robot! But Mel Gibson soon did away with them when he retrieved a large flagpole with an American Flag on it (from a car salesman) and shoved it through their chest! The evil robo-mech exploded and killed all of the One Directions! Everybody celebrated and got free Toys “R” Us receipts but nobody used them because nobody goes to Toys “R” Us.
