Do you really think Abraham Lincoln wrote the Constipation Proclamation or whatever? Heck no, that's just made up to hide you from the true hype of American History! But luckily, old granpapp-bro Griff will tell you the true story!
The horror that was Disney was rising from the depths from which it was held, and Abe Lincoln knew it wouldn't be too long until the horrible demon-actors (Selena NOmez, Miley DIErus, and DUMMY Lovato) and enslave the dark skin-toned humans because it reminds them of the dark pits from which they arose! Old Abe grabbed his trusty shotgun and looked for the mightiest of all of the warriors to help him! He went into the worstest dumps of all of Detroit (which is saying a lot) and found the Fat Albert. He asked him of his great powers of friendship and fatness. "Hey, hey ,hey! This quest thing sounds OK!" Abe required the help of one more adventurer, one who is not given enough hype as he should be given. Our two protagonists found him stranded, almost dead in the Bahamas. They fixed him up and asked him who he was. He replied "My name is Frank Castle, but many know me as THE PUNISHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Abe and Al gasped because this guy is the hypest. Now it was time for our heroes to face the evil of Disney as we know it. As these disgusting demonic (but humanoid) figures crawled from a devilish fissure in the ground. Selena NOmez, Miley DIErus, and DUMMY Lovato hissed and spitted seemingly comical phrases which were actually ancient curses. Abraham Lincoln ran up to NOmez and dodged the unrealistic so-called "spells" she fired at him and hit her in the head with his shotgun and fired at her face-hole(demons do not have faces-_-). Miley opened her facial region that would project a cacophonic "melody" of English character but then Fat Albert said "Hey hey hey!" This singing is not OK!" and rolled into a ball and over DIErus. She was crushed. The Punisher spotted his prey in the distance and waited. Finally when she was in sight, and The Punisher vanquished the final evil demon by throwing a grenade in it's face. The heroes have been remembered for centuries.
