betty [syd novak]

three: store

|syd's pov|

stan's car smelled like weed. i know that because it is exactly what my dad used to smell like. i caught him smoking down the storeroom once, he taught i didn't notice and tried to play it cool.

"oh look what stan left in here" may said, taking the small box in her hand. i guess she was familiar with it.

"you want one?" she asked, taking one cigarette and lightning it after putting it in her mouth. fuck it's weed.

i smiled. "pass" i have never been high before.

"cool" may said, as she continued to smoke.

i never thought she smoked. she's always so quiet, dina always has to be all... you know... dina and initiate a conversation with her. which caused me to think that i don't really know may that well. would i like to? of course. she seems cool and she isn't an asshole so yeah.

•••

i spent the entire time joking around with may while shopping. it's weird.  she is funny but quite. i mean she helped me when dina totally bailed on me. i don't know how to exactly describe the way i feel around may.
all i know is that i feel a little less weird when i am with her.

"it will be $67.99" the cashier said. fuck mom only have me 50 bucks

"can you ring me up again? i think you overcharged me"

"which one?" .... this is so fucking embarrassing

"all of it?"

"yeah it's gonna be the same, hon"

"do you want me to-"

"no it's fine i'll just put some stuff back" i cut may off and ran back to put the things back

fuck. why does this always happen to me. i started getting flashbacks of me fighting with my mom

calm down syd

dina bailing on me for some her stupid asshole boyfriend

calm down syd just calm down

why does this always happen to me

syd calm down

and with that, i blew up the whole fucking racks of groceries around me.
not again. what is happening to me i don't understand
shit. may. she's here
i stormed out the store and found a quite place behind it to sit and just fucking regret everything.

ugh may found me.

"panic attacks huh? ... you know i get them too. the world feels so scary sometimes" she said

"are you okay?" she is weirdly caring. i just replied with a nod

she took out a cigarette again and lit it up. she offered me one too when she caught me eyeing hers.

i took it this time. i put it in my mouth and slowly inhaled the smoke. it was my first time, and i didn't even cough.

•••

being high felt like a dream. i didn't care about me loosing the groceries, my mom being mad at me. or the dina situation. i felt... free

me and may talked about so many random shit. she's really nice, if i think about it. i only wanted a boy so i can keep up with dina.

but what if i like may?
what if i actually like may?

"hey so i am gonna drop here so it's cool if stan takes you home right?" may said as she stopped at the bolling alley. i guess it's her shift now

"yeah sure"

"cool bye syd see ya" she said smiling. she has... such a cute smile

"bye may" i replied smiling too

•••

the rest of the car ride with stan was fun. but not as fun as it was it may

i went to his house and we talked about some pretty weird shit. and... i ended up doing something which i have never done in a million years.

..... i had sex with stanley barber

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