nights of love and war

My nights are a constant battle –

Where figuring out

If you are too good for me

Or if you shouldn’t live without me –

Tell me if I should let you go,

Or remind you that I love you.

And where nothing

But an inner resolution

Will let me fall into the painless realm

Of my dream-filled sleep.

Though, my sleep does have you in it sometimes…

Sometimes even, me and you together…

These occasions, are the ones

Where the pain does, however, come in tides.

For when I eventually wake,

Laying on a bed of memories gone by,

It is to the agonizing lack

Of your presence.

There’s seems to be a void

Where once you filled up

My overflowing heart.

And now, I think, it is starting to grow.

It is a cancer I don’t want to live without

Because it is hard evidence

That you truly did love me.

You see, the infinite love I bare you,

Is now all but transmuted

Into a constant pain.

An Infinite pain… Where the rest of the world

Loses its façade

Of any actual importance.

This war of mine might be endless, it seems.

And in it, you are, impossibly,

My only refuge…

I don’t know

If one of these nights

Will bring an answer

To my questions

Of hopelessness

And faith….

But, after all these nights,

I do know

That I love you.