Friends First, Lovers Always | ✔

ONE | FIVE

     Levi is counting the mile markers to distract himself, wondering how much distance he and Gideon can put between their history to make it disappear. Levi doesn't think he'll ever forget what they were, once, but he knows they can't be that again. When he told Gideon this, Gideon started crying.

     Levi hates when Gideon cries. Because it's hard to hate the boy he loves when he's crying.

     He takes the blame for that, for loving him in this way. For forging those feelings between them. Takes the blame for the nights he felt so empty, he couldn't help but fill his voids with Gideon. Levi always took first and thought about the consequences when it was entirely too late. He never really asked permission. He knows now he didn't need to, that Gideon would always give in to him.

     He regrets his choices, but that's the thing about regret: it doesn't erase the mistakes, it only emphasizes them.

     Levi glances at Gideon, whose gaze is on the road. His hand props his head up as it rests on the open window, the breeze blowing his dark hair upwards. He looks like he's been electrocuted. The sun's setting, casting shadows across Gideon's face that aren't normally there. He's beautiful, and Levi hates himself for thinking so.

     "You're looking at me," Gideon says, his eyes darting in Levi's direction before returning to the road.

     "I'm just looking. Not looking at you, specifically," Levi responds hastily.

     Levi had tried to make him understand, even though he didn't really understand himself. They couldn't keep going the way they were, not without getting caught, not without putting everything else in jeopardy. Just because they couldn't be together the way Gideon wanted didn't mean they couldn't be friends, still. 

     So Levi called it quits, told Gideon that there wasn't an us, and then he refused to talk about that night, about any of the nights. But Gideon kept pushing, cornering Levi on too many occasions. He had come over tonight, caught Levi just as he was getting home from work. What started off casually, quickly turned heated and they had it out on the front lawn before Levi's mom told them to stop giving the neighbor's a spectacle.

     Gideon apologized. He was always a kiss-ass when it came to Levi's parents, and then he suggested they talk in his car. Stupidly, Levi thought that'd be a good idea.

     Levi didn't want to talk to Gideon about any of it. He had a hard time keeping the night in question out of his head as it stood. But he got into Gideon's truck thinking they would finally put this whole thing to rest. He was tired. Tired of fighting with Gideon, tired of being mad at him. His resolve was wavering and he just wanted his friend back.

     "You need to let this thing go. We're best friends. And that's not going to change. I don't want it to change. We can forget about everything else, pretend it never happened or whatever, and go back to the way things were before," Levi had said. He thought this sounded reasonable.

     But Gideon flipped the fuck out, turning the ignition so hard that it stalled momentarily before it kicked in. He had the thing thrown into gear before Levi could register he was being driven off with.

     "Pretend it never happened," Gideon had repeated back to him, his tone, somehow, more than angry. Offended, maybe, suited it better. "You're un-fucking-believable, you know that? I mean, I know you're balls deep in denial but can you really just forget everything that happened? That we did? Just like that? Because the taste of you burns my throat everytime I swallow, Levi."

     Levi hadn't responded, clenching down on his jaw sourly so he wouldn't, didn't, say something he would regret. He was mad Gideon was even mentioning it, mad that just by saying those few words he was filled with a heat that simmered low in his stomach. He wanted to tear Gideon apart, in all the best and worst ways. And he hated it.