Are we even friends?

Are you okay?

Part One:

I wonder why Tadashi, my so-called friend, has been ignoring me for a while. Maybe he needs some time right?...what if this friendship meant nothing to him...is he lying?...

As per usual I did my daily routine, brush my teeth, say goodbye to my family, and walk to school. Tadashi comes by to walk with me, it may be annoying him talking too much. Why does he even bother coming by even though I am just going to ignore him?

I have been asking myself that question every time we hangout because I was preparing myself for him to leave and not to get attached to him. I was correct, he slowly drifted off like everyone else and I accepted that but why is there something heavy on my chest when I see him when he ignores me? Why does it hurt?

We were almost to the school, Tadashi continued to ramble on about volleyball, his interests, and about the improvement of his grades. I acted like I was an asshole but I was listening to him. Looking at him with his dark green and gray mixture reminded me of the forest on a rainy day.
While thinking, a hint of sweet rain hit my nose and it was a surprise for me, yet it settled down my feelings at the moment.

It made me wonder that talking to him was peaceful and calm. He may be timid but he is a good friend. Causing me to smile, I covered my mouth to not show him what I was feeling at the moment.

Suddenly Tadashi stopped talking and looked up at me. "Tsuki, are you okay?" Tadashi grabbed my arm firmly to stop me too. "What is it?" Asking him, he looked at me seriously. "You haven't been acting yourself lately, you cover your face more when you look at me, you suddenly space out too much, you stopped using your headphones when I talk to you, you started to care more. What happened? Are you okay?!" He yelled at me with consideration yet he stood his ground when I tried to move away from him. I looked away from him and sighed. "I...I don't know what I am going through so please don't worry about me and be patient...please" I said softly since I knew if I told him to fuck off he would keep on pushing me to the limit until I answer aggressively.

Tadashi let go of me after I gave him the answer. "Fine, I'll give you time. But I won't be patient, I really do care about you Tsukishima, please just tell me what is wrong, you can trust me." He asked of me and it weighed down my heart. It hurts, how can I trust him...how can I trust anyone?...they are all liars, they just want to feel special because I told them something...everyone is fake, everyone is lying to me, they don't care about me...

I was drowning myself with thoughts of everyone around me, I couldn't hear anything, everything was ringing. Make it stop please someone stop this ringing.

Feeling my breath started to get heavy, I tried to gasp for air. My chest felt it was being pierced, it's painful. I feel my body go numb as I start to tremble from fear thinking I am going to die. I started to cry without knowing about it, everything feels cold.

Ta...dashi...please help me....!