sun, october 25 2020
i can't believe i am here again.
well, there are things we just can't tell to anyone, even to our friends. not because you want to hide it from them, but sometimes it is just really tiring to talk about the same thing all over again just because you can't get over it or you can't still get over it.
it's just the same as listening to the same story you've heard for a mutiple times. or re-watching a movie you'd already know and just not your genre.
maybe it's just the same as doing all the same thing, all the same routine with your partner. it gets boring. you know, people like trying something new. people are really hard to satisfy because we all always crave for something we do not have. and maybe that's why it's hard for us to be contented.
it's almost 2 am and i am here, writing this because i feel boring. and it feels like others feel it too, that i am boring. and they eventually look for something new. or someone new.
i expected it anyway. that's just how it works. a lot of people are not permanent. sometimes, they stay for a very long time. but eventually, they will leave. whether u like it or not, whether they want to or not.
we all want someone to depend on. someone that can be our strength. because it is tiring to be strong for yourself. we want someone that is willing to have our backs wether we need it or not.
we don't like to have someone who is always lean on us through everything. it is good to help other people. but it is tiring too.
i think i am being needy here. i don't want to be like that. i always want anyone to feel good of having me because they know there is someone they can lean on anytime.
that's why it is easy for me to be attached to someone who makes me feel that I can lean on them, anytime. because they eventually get sick of it.
and now i have to lie low again.
maybe this is me, overthinking things. or maybe it is my guts that are talking.
word of the day? tiring.
