My idea of love now isn't ideal
My idea of love used to be pure and innocent
then thoughtful and overpowering,
then omnipotent and consuming,
now difficult and unlikely, as reality sinks in.
Now my idea of love is just an idea, almost like me in an alternative universe
Now my idea of love seems unreachable without a sacrifice, or a great cost.
Now my idea of love is just a thought in the back of my mind, reduced to a dream.
Such as riding a unicorn on a pasture made of clouds.
My dreams used to consume me, but now I can barely sleep.
My idea of love has been tampered with, broken and exposed to toxicity, jealousy, infidelity, and unrequited love.
Lust confused as feelings of passion, lust confused as love, and the truth confused hurtful words or lies.
Now I fall in love with lies, small similarities, such as taste in music or the love of pizza.
When core values are ignored because loneliness gets dark.
When people change things about themselves to please another.
When all of you, prior to the relationship is now lost.
When you are left in the dust, because they realized they weren't actually feeling love.
But the question is why did it get you. Why did you feel the love and they didn't.
Why are you heartbroken and they have moved on without a problem.
Now,
My idea of love is not ideal
I think it should be consuming, mutual, and never end.
Even after years, after hardships, after divorces and arguments, I think there should be some level of love and respect.
My idea of love will most likely keep changing
Hopefully one day I will think highly of love and it won't just be a dream.
Anything to make me feel sparks again
Anything to make me feel like I'm missed
Anything long-lasting
Anything to make me feel that love exists--that's the idea.
