Confessions of a Gay Prince

trece

it rained that night, niall and harry were cuddling on the bed. harry was staring at the ceiling, niall was staring out the window, holding harry's hand as gently between his own as he could, his thumb caressing the back of his lover's hand as he watched the rain hit the window.

they were silent yet their actions spoke volumes. the way niall so gently caressed harry but wrapped around like him like if he didn't hold so tightly, harry would simply slip away. the way harry played with niall's hair, eyes moving down from time to time to make sure niall had not moved, even if he knew he hadn't. he wanted to make sure his baby was still there, because one day harry wasn't going to be, and he wanted to make sure he spent every last moment with niall. harry loved niall, more than he loved the sea, more than he loved his ship and god, so much more than he loved himself.

niall broke the silence, his words heavy, clashing down onto harry's chest as he said them. "if you die," he had started but harry stopped him.
"when." niall's eyes widened a little bit, and he looked up at harry whose facial expression had remained the same, his eyes locked on the pearly white ceiling with a chandelier hanging inches from where harry was staring. niall didn't know whether to break down crying or continue talking, the latter seemed like a better idea.
"what will the boys do? what will i do?" and harry's expression finally changed, though not much, a quick eyebrow furrow and then he released it.

"the boys will be just fine. they know who takes over when i'm gone. you, baby.." he took a deep breath and closed his eyes as if it would shield him from the truth he had used to correct niall. "when i die, i don't want you to mourn for months, i don't want you to lie awake in bed and sob. promise me... promise me you'll find someone, after a bit of mourning, of course." harry attempted to make niall laugh by letting out a small chuckle but niall just nodded, eyes droopy.

"i love you, you know that right?" niall asked. his voice was small and frightened. harry's heart broke at the sound.
"oh, baby." harry engulfed niall in his arms, tears threatening to spill as he dug his nose in niall's hair, allowing niall to let his own tears spill and cover harry's chest in them. but harry couldn't care because, truth was, harry was going to die and that meant leaving who could quite possibly be the love of his life.
was harry afraid of death? no. not at all. not one bite. harry's number one fear was being the cause of niall's sadness, and his death meant facing his biggest fear. his second biggest fear was lions, yes, lions. being a pirate seemed like a sure way he'd never come across them.

as harry held niall in his arms, watching him peacefully sleep, the way his chest rose and fell, the way his face resembled nothing but pure peace, harry's heart dropped. when he found out he was sick, the doctor had told him he had three months to live. if he had just worried about his cough a little more, if he had paid more attention to his chest pain and started caring about his fatigue a little earlier, he would've had a bit more time. but what harry had was rare in his times, super rare. 1% kind of rare, a needle in a haystack kind of rare, a lion in the ocean kind of rare. and even if they did spot it earlier, the only destination, through numerous paths, was death.
"i've never seen anything more beautiful." harry whispered to himself, planting a soft kiss on niall's forehead, allowing his lips to linger as if niall's skin was oxygen, and harry had been suffocating for days.