The Tragedy of Arien and The Kennyjackulations-The Threesome of All Time

Where It All Began

INTERVIEW SEGMENT—ARIEN

"I remember the day it all started...the day I confessed my love to those two sexy preppy school boys. Are you kidding? I can never forget it. And I can never forget what it did to me. Moral of the story? My lesson learned? Never get too attached to something you think is unbearably beautiful...in this case, I should have never gotten attached to those two. It would be the death of me. Well, not me, but...that's a spoiler. I'm done here. I'm sorry, I cant take this. I don't think I can talk about this anymore. Thank you."

***

Arien was obsessed  with The Kennyjackulations.
You may be wondering, who are The Kennyjackulations, and why does their name sound so stupid and wrong? Only one of those questions can be answered. The Kennyjackulations were the most popular boys in school—Jack and Kenny. They were so incredulously sexy—Jack played bass, Kenny did dance—there was nothing more that Arien could have ever wanted. Every time he saw their faces, he just about jizzed in his already cum-stained sweatpants that he wears to school every single day, along with an Insane Clown Posse sweatshirt and chains that he got from his uncle, Kurt Russell, when he was eight years old. The Kennyjackulations were the only reasons he got up out of bed each morning, and his uncanny liking towards them was his biggest secret. The only person who knew about his abnormal and unbearably unhealthy obsession with these two innocent boys was Arien's best friend, Percival.
Percival was infamous for being the school's little elf. He never attended class unless Joshua was there, and instead lurked around the halls to stop people and demand for their lunch money. If they didn't have any, he would make them give him a wet, slimy kiss on each of his cheeks before he would be fulfilled. It was embarrassing being Percival's only friend, but Arien liked the advantage of not having to kiss Percival's powdery face, seeing as he brought a lunch every single day.
As of then, Percival and Arien were attending their first class of the day, which happened to be History of Rock With the Unnecessary Inclusion of Musical Theater. The students were convinced that the musical theater portion of the class was added because the teacher wanted to lure Kenny into his class to accompany Jack. Kenny would never attend any class unless it had to do with musical theater or an unexplainably and incredibly difficult form of science, so teachers had to bait Kenny into joining their courses in order for him to be an obedient little boy. Of course, it worked, and The Kennyjackulations were there—both of them looked as delectable as a creamy English seafood salad with their glob of unevenly spread hair gel and their Spaghetti-O stained white collared shirts. The way that they held hands made Arien blush profusely. Everyone knows that Jack and Kenny were the power couple that could destroy worlds, but he wasn't going to leave it at that. He wanted to be apart of them. He wanted to become one with them. He wanted to be between them, holding their hands. He wanted to be swung back and forth by the two of them like a little child in the parking lot of a Walmart. He oh so desperately wanted to feel the sweat drip off of Kenny's long and wrinkly finge—
"Ari!" Squeaked Elf Percival, snapping Arien out of his beautiful fantasy. Furious now, Arien gave Percival the death glare.
"Helloooo? Does it look like I'm available to talk? I was in the MIDDLE of a fantasy!" The awful nickname Elf Percival had given him was almost as infuriating as the subject matter itself.
Percival frowned at him. "Keep your voice down! You don't want Jack and Kenny to know your horrible secret, do you, Arien?" Percival mused, floating out of his high chair with his elf powers and hovering in front of Arien's face. Arien leaned past Elf Percival to eye the two boys up front. As much as he adored them and wanted to think about them at all times of the day, Percival was right. It was too risky...although maybe the exposure of his secret would get him to be noticed...😏.
The bell rang and Arien was the first to stand. He knew The Kennyjackulations's entire schedule, so it was no problem to follow their scent all the way to the school's courtyard. They'd already beat him to it—the girls were swooning over him. That was what made Arien's blood boil. The thought of them inhaling their scent...touching the soft cotton on their school uniforms...mmmmm, Arien could only imagine what they smelled like up close. Fresh chocolate chip cookies out of the oven with a spritz of Axe body spray. He could imagine what his confession would gift to him. He would be able to walk in between The Kennyjackulations in the hallway on the way to Psychology With a Little Bit of Quantum Physics. He would be spoon fed ground up beets and baby food every single day at lunch, and given Danimals in a pure-gold chalice. The thoughts mesmerized poor Arien. He had no idea what kind of a spell he was under, but whatever it was, he was digging it.
Arien ordered Elf Percival, who accompanied him to the courtyard, to lay down on the ground so that he could stomp on him to make noise and get the attention of The Kennyjackulations. Percival squeaked, shriveled up and died when the pressure of Arien's foot hit his chest, but at least The Kennyjackulations had his eyes on desperate Arien. He gulped down a mouthful of saliva and began his speech.
"Kenny, Jack—you probably don't know me. You probably didn't know my friend Elf Percival, who I just killed with the pressure of my fat foot. But you must know that we both have—or had—a crippling obsession with the both of you." Arien drew Percival into it so that he wouldn't feel so alone. Percival's reputation was forever tarnished.
The Kennyjackulations stared at Arien in disbelief. C...f....).).....could it be?! Arien, man of mystery, national vandal of 2017, was confessing his love to the both of them?
Kenny broke out into a horribly goofy smile, deviously rubbing his sweaty hands together. Jack cringed at him and stepped away.
Arien continued his speech. "You guys are the light of my life. The fire in my aching heart. I even wrote you guys this poem...!" Arien began to stammer over his words, but he pulled the wet, wrinkly piece of paper out of his pocket and began to recite what words he could see.
"Ummm...errrr uhhh. Umm...🎣."
Kenny stepped towards him. "Enough!" He boomed, snatching the paper out of delicate Ari's cold hands. He gazed down at Arien, who was like eight fucking inches shorter than him, trying to make a final decision.................

What will happen next? Will The Kennyjackulations accept Arien's meaty invitation to join their clan?

Dude, I don't know. Arien is kind of scary. He looks like Grimace from the Ronald McDonald family. He KILLED Elf Percival. So yeah I actually don't really know if they're gonna find this appealing man. This is scary stuff. He's a criminal. He vandalized CVS with cum messages. Guys CVS sucks they're Trump supporters. So I guess Arien isn't so bad. But he also killed Elf Percival and collected Kenny's hair. I forgot if I included that. Jack is scared man. You can feel it. You can see it in his eyes. He's scared for his life man. This is like if Harry and Louis were actually a thing back in 2011. This is what it would've been like. Scary stuff man.