The Epic Fails of Kakashi Hatake

The Crush

Kakashi sighed irritably. His genins had been yelling at him for the last ten minutes (or so) because he was late (again). It's not his fault there was a discount on miso soup with eggplants at a specific restaurant he liked. The road of life was very tempting. Kakashi however was tired of being yelled at, and a certain cool-headed, innocent chunin crossed his mind.

"Iruka wouldn't treat me like this." Kakashi muttered bitterly, before he could stop himself.

Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura all froze in half-confusion, half-terror. If Iruka heard them yelling at Kakashi like this, he'd scold them all and nobody likes Iruka being disappointed at them.

"You know Iruka-sensei?" Sasuke asked curiously.

"Yeah."

Sakura gasped "How'd you meet him? Were you in his class before?"

Naruto scoffed "Look at his hair Sakura! He's an old closet pervert, dattebayo!"

Kakashi felt offended. He didn't deserve this at all. "I am not old, my hair has always been this color. I'm only 3 years older than him. I met him when I had to chase him down as an ANBU after he had painted the Hokage monument and put so much glitter on it I think somebody actually went blind."

"IRUKA WAS A PRANKSTER?!" Naruto, Sakura, and Sasuke yelled in unison.

"Oh yeah, one of the best. You could clearly see him do it, but nobody was actually able to catch him. Hokage Sarutobi had to set aside a whole ANBU unit just to chase down Iruka. It was hilarious."

"A whole ANBU unit?" Naruto sounded awed.

"Did you manage to catch him sensei?"

Kakashi shook his head "I was on his tail when suddenly, he disappeared into an alleyway. When I turned down the same alleyway, all that was there was a small brown dog I remembered that lived down that alleyway. I couldn't find any trace of him and I still don't know what kind of trick he used to fool everybody."

Sakura's eyes lit up. "He even fooled you!"

"What else did he do?" Sasuke asked, seemingly interested in learning about his sensei when he wasn't such a rule-follower.

"He still pulls pranks y'know. Just on a much smaller scale. He once managed to get this rude man thrown into the ANBU jail for a week. Nobody knows how he did it, we just know it was him."

"He got somebody thrown into ANBU jail?"

"Oh yeah, nobody even knew what the guy did. They just realized that the guy in the cell wasn't supposed to be there and then realized that they had kept him in jail for a week. Also, he filled somebody's house with glitter and a weak paper bomb so when they opened their door, it triggered the bomb and the whole neighborhood was doused in glitter. The house was fine but the neighborhood... it took a month to fully clean and you can still see some sparkles. We have a betting poll going on when he's going to admit to it."

Sakura's eyes were wide "Do you mean Iruka was the one who made the 'Glitter Disaster' in my neighborhood?"

Kakashi laughed "Oh yeah. Don't you ever wonder why nobody messes with him? They either respect him or are completely terrified of him."

"Are you terrified of him?" Sasuke asked.

"I'm somewhere between impressed and terrified. He poisoned me once and I'm not in a rush to have that happen again."

"Poisoned?! Did we overestimate your sniffing abilities?" Sasuke asked.

"Nope, he just gave me a peppermint tea so strong it masked the poison. I didn't want to hurt his feelings so I drank the whole thing and a second later, I realized I fucked up big time. I was home for a week with some weird kind of sneezes that only kicked in when I was trying to do something."