This is the second time I am writing a letter to you. I was scrolling through my Facebook feed, killing time while waiting for your reply when I passed by a couple's photo. It was shared by a few of my friends. They look so happy there. Their eyes speak with so much love. I bet you'd automatically say "sana all" in your mind while staring at them. But come to think of it — who wouldn't be smiling when you're with someone you wanted to be with in the first place, right?
There's nothing special in that photo.
But do you know what makes it worthy of thousand shares? The caption. It's about the scariest thing any couple would never wish for in their relationship — falling out of love. Because as much as we are afraid to wake up one day not seeing the person we love the same way we used to look at them before, it will happen. Maybe not for everyone, but for almost anyone.
And while I am thinking of the right things to say to you, I am certain you are already reading the same words I've read earlier. You know, there's a part there, somewhere in the middle, that made you cross my mind. It was when his dad was telling him about what happened between him and his mom when they thought they've reached the end and are no longer happy, when they feel like the only solution is to break up. He said, and I quote, "Nanligaw agad ako ng ibang babae at gano'n din ang mama mo. Nagpaligaw siya sa ibang lalaki. I sent flowers to my new lady, I even wrote hundreds of poems to express my love for her. And there, my happiness that was once gone just came back."
At first, I almost thought we are the same — about pursuing a new woman right after to get rid of the pain. But it turns out we're not. Because it just so happens that the new girl he's talking about is only a better version of the same woman he loves. While I, I really look for another woman who can make me feel the happiness that I felt in the early days of our relationship.
But we have one thing in common — in either situation — we both realized that we could only be with one person and that is his wife, for him,
And you, for me.
Being with other girls gives me butterflies in my stomach even when I thought they're already dead. My whole system gets crazy every time I know I can make them smile. It is always those times where I feel like I made the right decision to not stay in a relationship that could just kill me.
But sooner, I will have to face the truth. There will always be arguments. What's love without pain?
And that is what this is all about. This is me telling you, that during those times I look for ways to escape the hurting that we've caused each other, I only come closer to the reality that no matter how painful it will be, no matter how it could destroy me,
I would always be willing to face every goddamn thing as long as it's with you.
There are times where we'll feel like we don't deserve this anymore, that we can't do anything to save us and that we only have one choice; to stop. To run. To quit. There are times where we'll sit our ass in the corner of a cold bathroom, wondering of the what ifs and what could have beens. There are times where we'll want to experience the same happiness that we had before, with someone else.
But trust me now, love. I would never choose to do it. Because being away from you kills me more than our fights. Not being able to be there for you when you need me is the last thing I can allow myself to do. I am willing to die every day because I know, in this fight, you are not my enemy. I am willing to be killed every day because I know it's you who will save me.
We will save each other, and we will figure things out together.
