The Inescapable Desire for Compassion and Intimacy

One Voice

Jason couldn't believe his ears. What became a pleading bargain atop the roof of his apartment became an opportunity to turn his life around. If not wholly, then enough to halt is advance. Immediately, Jason hopped off the parapet of his apartment building and sat himself down on the wet cement. His mind was a rushing comet, piercing his thoughts with dreams, hopes, and futures, but Jason needed to act now to achieve those futures.

"Oh hey, I'm uhh surprised you picked up. I didn't think you'd be up so early," Jason fumbled out. His hands fidgeted, and his feet began to tap rapidly. Shortness of breath fell over him, and all he could focus on was her voice. The voice that saved his life.

"Technically, I wasn't. Did you want to talk?" Lila asked. For her, it was like catching up with another classmate, as she has done so many times before. But the power one voice has on a person is not evident until they both feel that power together. Lila had that power, and that power had an origin.

Years ago, in the hallways of Palray Central High School, Jason and Lila were two bodies orbiting around a star. This star, this shimmering glow, was the allure of freedom. While the cycle of adolescence kept them at arm's length, by the miracle of chance, their paths crossed, and they both shared a small connection—the love of freedom.

"This project will be thirty percent of your grade in this class. Due to last month's little fiasco, I have taken the liberty of assigning partners for you. You will have two weeks until you present to the class. Ms. Carmichael is passing out the assignment sheet now, so feel free to read ahead".

That was their history teacher Mr. Nakano. A tall man with jet black hair parted to one side. He was both a man of formalities and a man of wit.

For this one occasion, they both sat near the far left corner of the classroom. "So we're partners, I guess," Jason said awkwardly.

"It'll be fun. Mr. Nakano assigning partners is a whole hell of a lot better than that stupid hat he keeps on his desk. Anyway, here's my number. That way, we can work outside of school. It doesn't matter when you call; I'll usually answer," Lila affirmed.

"Ms. Shroud, thank you for reminding me. The Hat of Perpetual Dread will decide what decade you and your partner will be studying. " Mr. Nakano spat out.

"Alright." Jason nodded, and the hours followed were filled with schedules and research.

A fire was lit that day, and now that same fire has come to bring him heat once more. Still, atop the roof of his apartment, Jason took a deep breath and said with prowess and poise.

"You wanna grab coffee?"

Still dazed by the abrupt awakening, Lila thought for a moment and then replied with a firm and excited "Sure, you know if we wait a couple more minutes, we should be breaking daylight. Well, as much daylight as you can get living here. I'll text you my address so you can pick me up. I hope you have a car cause mine runs as smooth as sandpaper,"

The streets below Jason came to life. Cars pulsed awake and flowed through the avenues and highways like blood cells to organs. The blood in Jason's body coursed through him at a breakneck speed. Neons flickered on, and just barely, the light from the sun reached out to grab Jason's hand, and with its warmth, he responded.

"Alright. I'll see you in thirty minutes, I guess,"

The conversation ended. The shimmering reflection of the sun bounced off the puddles and windows. Jason took one more glance onto the streets below then dropped to his knees at the realization of his actions.

That could have been it. But, I oh god, what's wrong with me. If she didn't, and I, that could have meant...

Jason's mind raced with darker futures, cold reasonings. Every word, every breath, every instance, every reason Lila could hate him flooded to him like a tidal wave. The guilt of his actions smothered him, and he had no choice but to cradle himself in his lap and sob quietly.

No, no-no.

Jason stared out to Brightingdale, now caked in sunlight, his hand quaking and his feet rapidly tapping. He saw a miniature galaxy that housed a million lights in his view. Jason pushed down his doubts deeper into him.

Think for once. You tell her why you called, and she will never see you the same way. You'll be lucky to be pitied. You'll be lucky to be forgotten. But now is not the time to be forgotten. It's time to be unforgettable. Cause right now, you have a date in 24 minutes, and you are nowhere close to being ready. Not physically... or mentally.

He stormed back down to his apartment room and proceeded to do exactly what he told himself to do. Be unforgettable. 

Elsewhere, as Jason readied up for his date, Lila was already on the phone explaining the immediate events while tossing blouses carelessly onto her bed.

"And then he asked me out," She said nonchalantly,

"Ask out, like a date?" Lila's friend Laurel asked interrogatively,

"I wouldn't call it a date, just two people catching up. Also, he's picking me up,"

"He's picking you up? Also, I never went to your high school. I don't even know who he is. You called me and opened with 'Jason called me, what do I wear?' Come on, describe him," Laurel said with intensity.

"What's there to say, you know? Black hair, somewhat tall. I remember a project we did together for a history class once. We've bumped into each other a couple of times at school since. Last I heard, he's like a gardener or something along those lines. So again, what do I wear?"

"Oh yeah, right, let's run through your situation: Guy asks you out on a not-date at a coffee shop at six in the morning, this is the first time Palray has seen the sun in 2 weeks, and he's picking you up. What about..."

But the suggestion fell onto deaf ears, as Lila had spent the majority of the conversation trying to put on a pair of light-colored jeans. Finally, she leaped into the air with triumph and shouted with glee upon completion. 

On the other line, Laurel asked sarcastically, "Let me guess, jeans? On the bright side, half of my work is done. What about that pink blouse that you got last week? Give yourself a splash of color,"

"Alright, thanks. After I'm done, I'm coming over to tell you how it went, ok?" Lila exclaimed, breathing slightly softer than when she struggled with her jeans. 

After hanging up, Lila stared at herself in the mirror. Pink blouse, light jeans, white sneakers, curled hair. Wondering about the reason or the spontaneity of Jason's request wasn't an issue for her. Expectation? She had none. To call every day a shot in the dark was nothing more than a lie. Darkness hides monsters, hides secrets. Darkness is what people retreat to. Lila was not darkness. She had no secrets, no fears. She was light.

Jason was a man who had one foot in a haunted past and the other in a rushed future. A future that in his eyes was finite. A bad dream. A nagging voice that compels him to wake up and inch closer to his finite future. One voice that reminds him of his guilt and failure. Like the scars didn't do that already.

The drive to Lila's apartment was short. With every deep breath, Jason entered a slightly calmer state than as he was on the rooftop. Once he arrived, she had already been outside. He stepped out of the car as she walked down the stairs from the door—a faint smirk formed on Lila's mouth as she gazed at Jason. The two entered his car with an unbroken silence in the air. Unbroken until Jason asked,

"Is this too early?" His voice was soft and careful, comparable to defusing a bomb. 

"I'm fine with early. Besides, what better way to spend a Saturday morning than with a friend," Lila chirped.

With that notion declared and the veil of silence lifted, Jason took one final breath to center himself, and then with solace painted across his face, he responded with a tranquil,

"I'm glad."

Like the comet in his mind that raced with endless possibilities, they tore through Palray. Lila's smirk became a grin, and Jason felt pure and uninhibited bliss for the first in his life.