𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐲 𝐌𝐞

six.✔

"Hey, babe. I'm going to be working late tonight so I'll probably see you tomorrow. Remember my grandparents are arriving and we will have dinner at my parents' house. Love you."

I delete Wraith's voicemail and go back to finish wrapping my coffee mugs in newspaper. I'd had my radio up too loud and missed his call about thirty minutes ago. Wraith has a lot more family than I do, thus our guest list is mainly people he knows. Despite us having been together the past year and half, I've only met his parents a handful of times and his grandparents at Christmas this past year. His parents split their time between here and their estate in Florida. They want Wraith to get a promotion to the office there and we'll all live happily ever after under the sun. The thought of ever leaving rips my insides out. Wraith knows that and I hope he'd never force me into choosing.

After losing Alexandra, my circle became about as small as it could be. Outside of my mom and sister, I had Cole. I had a few friends in college, but no one who stuck. I'm friendly with the two techs I work with, but we're always on rotating shifts. Honestly, I think my next closest friend would be Elizabeth. After all, she and Caroline are the ones taking me out Thursday night for my last hurrah.

Once the box was full, I sealed it before writing on the top of it. I could finish the kitchen but I knew I should move on to the household items I wouldn't be needing any time soon. I left out two coffee mugs to rotate till I made the full move after our honeymoon. I tape up another box as I move to my linen closet. I start shoving in my extra sheets and a little bit of guilt washes over me. It's late afternoon now, me having left Cole's only about an hour ago. I hadn't meant to stay after he left but I figured I could at least clean the mess I'd made in his kitchen and throw his sheets in the washing machine so he didn't come home to his alcohol soaked bed. So after I ate the rest of the omelet I started a load and when I went back to fold the comforter I'd taken out of the duvet, I sort of got tangled up with the large piece of fabric and landed on the edge of his bed. After about ten minutes of trying to get out, I gave up and ended up falling asleep. A text from my mom reminding me of my nail appointment in the morning woke me and by then it was time to switch loads so I did and remade his bed before going home.

I feel guilty because I fell sleep almost easier at Cole's than I do my own apartment, certainly a lot easier than Wraith's this morning. I find that I have a lot of guilt that I struggle to find comfort with Wraith like I do with Cole. It shouldn't be like that, Wraith has to be my safe place. As the man I'm choosing to marry and spend the rest of my life with I should feel like his bed is my bed. I must reconcile in my brain that the distress I feel is imaginary. I want to be married and have babies of my own. I want what Caroline has.

Wraith's differences to myself are originally what drew us together. He knew I wasn't after his money and I liked that he had such a different up bringing. I am the girl-next-door that looks good on his arm at work events. I am the good girl, who will wash his laundry and get up at the crack of dawn to make his coffee. Wraith is a little rough around the edges but straight forward and at first he seemed genuinely interested in my dreams of having my own cosmetics line one day. That was the dream for Alex and I, we both intended to become cosmetic chemists and create our own line. With her gone I feel like I need to do it even more so, I need to do it for her.

When he proposed, I was taken completely by surprise, but it seemed like the next step for us. Wraith is nearly thirty and ready to start that chapter of his life. In some ways, he treats our relationship like a deal at work. I understand that's how his brain works and choose to love him away, but sometimes I wish he was a bit more romantic about those sorts of things. Our honeymoon for example, is to London, where he will spend two days at his office's counterpart there. I am thrilled to be going to the UK, I just wish my husband wasn't spending two of our five days working.