when i first met you, we were in pre kindergarten. us two as just four years old with no care in the word. i remember as we grew up we were always acquaintances. we knew who the other person was but never really became friends. when we were in fourth grade i remember every one would play a game named oreo. the rules of the game was, you had to play rock paper scissors. if you lost you had to ask someone out, but you couldn't say it was a dare until you asked them out, and one day me and my friend were playing. when i lost i was chosen to ask you. but not to ask you out but to tell you that you were cute. i got the courage to tell you that. i walked up to you, got really close to you and whispered into your ear and said, "i think your cute" but before i could say it was a joke you said yes. i was confused by your response. and then you said but just don't tell anyone. then it came clear to me that you thought i asked you out. and surprisingly i agreed and didn't say it was a joke. though we were in only in fourth grade, i felt butterflies from a boy for the first time. we only 'dated' for two days and broke up because we didn't talk you each other at all. we were very awkward but it was my first really good memory of you. as we grew older we liked other people had more experience with the opposite sex and we could talk to guys and girls normally. i had about two crushes after that happened. then freshman year came last year. when i walked into first period and saw you i didn't really care if i'm honest.i never had any feelings for you because i was too small. i was still likening another boy so you never really popped out to me.
until they put us in our assigned seats and we were put next to each other. as days went by i started to notice you more and more. you had started to become more and more attractive to me but that was all. you would have to get i front of the class and speak spanish. and every time i would melt. you would speak it so smooth and soft and just perfect. and when you chihuahua accent would come in it would just make me want to hear you speak forever. but i was never into you. i was still trying to get over a guy who i thought had broken my heart.
but then we had our first conversation in the second semester. and we talked about baseball and softball. we talked about how you were the jv pitcher and how i was jv first baseman. when you would look at me i felt like there was nothing else around us. just me and you. and your eyes, your eyes would sparkle and to me was that prettiest thing. and when you smiled at me i felt like my heart stoped beating and everything was frozen except for you and me. i felt a spark that i couldn't explain. class ended that day and we went on our normal day. then after school we ran into each other. you were with one of your friends and i was with one of mine. you looked at me and smiled. i felt like there was nothing more beautiful than the look that you gave me. idk what went through my mind but i knew that i had to get to know you more i had to see what kind of person you were. and so i texted you. i used baseball and softball as my excuse to text you. and so i did. i told you that our coaches had to make a scrimmage between both teams. and we kept texting. you would tell me how you wanted to watch me play so that you could see how good i was and you made feel good about how i played. you would tell me how much you know how good i was even if you hadn't watched me play yet. i felt like there was a connection between us and i just wanted to text you more and more.the next day was Friday and we went to school. you still had that same sparkle in your eyes and i would melt every time we made eye contact. i texted you that day after school to tell you that the scrimmage was canceled because of corona.
then after that we had spring break and then after that we were out in quarantine. you never texted me, it was always me who texted you. i felt really upset because i thought it was only me who felt like we connected. and you confused me because when you would text back you would seem very much interested. as if you were playing hard to get. but then you started to text daily and you would text me first. i felt like i hadn't seen you for so long and i never really missed anyone until you. i'm not saying that i love you at all. because love is a serious thing and i believe i've never loved anyone yet. love is the biggest thing for me. but i fell in love with the things we would talk about, i got to know your funny side, you would always make me laugh behind a screen, and make my day ten times better. i got to know your dorky side. by showing me how smart you are, your hardworking side how you would go and work with your dad every day because you are so determined to get your own truck. and your caring side. i was going through so much during quarantine and you told me you would always be here for me and was always going to be there for me if i ever needed to talk to someone. there were day that i didn't have to tell you what was happening at home and you would make me feel better every time. i truly felt like there was going to be a next step. and i guess it just took over my mind. you were the best candidate in my head for the future .i felt like no one knew you like i did. you made me forget about the other boy i liked. i just felt like you were perfect, then quarantine came to an end.
and for some reason you never texted me again. i wondered so much what i could have possibly done to get you mad. i would ask myself what i did wrong. so i got the courage to text you the second day of school. and you told me that you do not want a relationship and it seemed like i wanted one. and you left me. i thought to myself, if you knew how much pain i was going through because of my family you would think that being in a relationship was the last thing i would want. i didn't want a relationship, i wanted your comfort. i trusted you and told you thing no one else knew so i thought you'd understand. you told me that you were always going to be there for me but when you said that you left. you broken a million of promises you had promised to me. and it's funny because it was you who would make the first move not me so how could i possibly seem like i want a relationship? you have no idea how much i cried for you. i had never knew how it felt to loose someone untill you left. i cried countless of times thinking you could come back so that we could regain that friendship we had. because i thought what we had was strong. i had never felt so broken from losing someone before, how could a person go from texting for five months every day to now completely nothing?
i remember telling you that my biggest turn off was when a person acts like someone else just to seem cool. and the reason i said that was because i've met a lot of incredible people with the best personalities but change because they want to fit in. and just ruin them selves. and i felt like you did that. i would see you at school and you would act completely different that the person i truly met five months ago. when last year you were so quiet and to yourself and this year to a complete jerk.
after you told me that i tried to not look at you at school anymore. because i knew if you looked at me in the eye i was going to shader. i knew that the feeling that's hard to describe was not going to be there. and i just couldn't let that me true. until my brothers first football game. you sat right in front of me and my friends with your friends. and the game would go on and your friends would talk you me. you never looked back at me when all your friends would. and the. you did. you looked at me on the eye.... and it was gone. your sparkle was gone. you looked at me in a heartless way and made me feel so cold inside. the feeling of wanting to know what kind of person you were was gone. i got home and cried so much, you wouldn't believe how much i did. i realize why i felt so cold when you looked at me. it was because i didn't want to see kind of person you were anymore. i saw enough for me to make a decision. i've seen enough of you and know what kind of person you are now. i was no longer so interested. that part of curiosity of me was gone. you were no longer perfect in my head any more. and thought it still hurts me looking at you in the halls i've come to a decision to let go.
thank you for all the great laughs, inside jokes, memories, all the times you made me cry, and the promises you broke. i'm finally letting go. this rant was my reality check. i cutting the string i had held on to for so long
thank you but good bye:)
