killer. (cat adams x female oc)

one.

sometimes i think i'm a killer. okay, well, i know i am, but i could never hurt her. i scared her in her house the other night. hell, i even scared myself a little bit. we were cuddled up on her couch watching this serial killer documentary when aileen wuornos was brought up.

"her story is so sad." i say to her.

she nods, "yeah, she killed like seven guys."

"yeah, those guys were assholes."

she pulls away from me slightly, raising an eyebrow, "wait, are you defending aileen wurnos?"

"yeah, i am. she went through so much, and dealt with so many shitty men."

her expression of confusion fades into a rather sympathetic one, "okay, i get."

"what? why are you looking at me like that?" i say, it now my turn to be confused.

"her case hits a little too close to home for you. i get it, cat."

i scoff, "no, lace, it's not about that. it was just fucked up, and she didn't deserve all that happened to her."

she just looks at me, unsure of what to say.

i sigh, "i'm sorry. i should probably go to bed ."

i stand up, but she grabs my hand, then smiles at me, "i love you, okay?"

i smile back, "i love you more."

and i do. i do love her more, which is why i could never hurt her. i can't sleep next to a body, even harmless in death. plus i'm pretty sure i'd miss her, and faking sleep to count her breath, which i ended up doing that night. i lay there, waiting for sleep to overtake my body and mind, but it never comes, so i
fake it as i hear her climb into bed beside me. she usually falls asleep rather quickly, so i lie beside her, hearing her inhale and exhale. she's here, she's alive, and i could never have it any other way.

however, i fear that i keep accidentally pushing her away. what if she's halfway out the door and i'm completely oblivious? what if she's ten steps ahead, leaving me behind in her dust? what would i do then?

would i hurt her then? it's a haunting thought, but i can't stop asking myself. part of me knows that i never could, but another is telling me that i've entered the entire relationship with ill intentions, and that i never cared about her to begin with. i know that i love her, but what if i just don't want to be lonely?

can the killer in me tame the fire in her? is there nothing left to do for us? i am sick of the chase, but i'm hungry for blood, and there is nothing i can do.