Is this love? [Drarry]

Chapter 4

TW references to suicide

Harry's POV

"How are you feeling today, Harry?" Dr. Luggs asked, from his large chair on the opposite side of the desk I was at.

Hogwarts had brought in a therapist, or as they like to call it, a "mental health coach." I, among other students, are required to attend weekly appointments. For others, it was optional.

"I'm not great, but okay."

"Do you want to talk about it? What is causing you to not feel great?"

"Everything."

"Do elaborate, if you please."

I sighed. "I don't know anymore. Every time I walk through the halls all I see is death. Everywhere. It's hard to keep going sometimes. I look around and think of everyone who was lost. I see Professor Lupin wandering the halls aimlessly, hear the laughter of Fred and George pulling off some bloody antics of theirs from around the corner. I even see the flash of the camera of Colin Creevy trying to snap a picture of me when I'm not looking. It's everywhere, and it haunts me. I feel like nobody understands. Expect Draco, he understands. We're fighting the same fight, and sometimes I think he's the only reason I haven't ended it all already. I know that if I were to do that, he would too. And I couldn't bear to be the cause of another death."

"You'd be another death, Harry. If you were to end your life, you're still another death. You're a person and people care about you. And nobody blames you, either. You know this."

"Tell that to those snarky 5th years from the halls the other day."

"What about them?"

"I was on my way to Potions class, minding my own bloody business, and this group, three boys, of fifth years shoved me into a wall. They said some pretty mean things. Some of which included variations of multiple f-words, among other things. That's also how this happened." I was referring to the cut I had going across my cheekbone.

"We're they referring to your sexuality? By using the f-word."

"I assume. Though I'm not sure how they know. I guess secrets do spread like wildfire around this school." I sighed once again.

"I thought you had come out already?"

"To Ron and Hermione. I think some others might suspect it, so maybe it's just a circulating rumor, unless other people are fully aware. But I don't know how they can be if I'm not even fully sure."

"Fully sure about what, Harry?"

"My sexuality. Currently I'm saying I'm bisexual because I literally have no idea what I am. I find girls pretty, but I'm not fully attracted to them. Boys on the other hand, I'm totally attracted to, in every sense. So I think I'm just gay, but there's always the possibility."

"Is there anyone in specific? Someone you might fancy?"

"Possibly, but it's too early to tell. What we have is amazing, and I don't think I'm ready to lose it yet. So I will continue to shove my feelings in the backseat until I feel necessary."

"We've talked about suppressing your feelings, Harry."

"Yes. I understand, but you don't. I've just barely got this person in my life, as a friend. And I couldn't bear lose him. Plus I don't even think he's gay."

"To make sure we're talking about the same person. Draco Malfoy?"

"Draco Malfoy."

...

Draco's POV

These halls would be the death of me. I needed to stop walking them alone, but it was how I could think. Although lately, my thoughts brought me more disappointment than satisfaction, as all I could think about every minute of every day was Harry-bleeding-Potter. The way his hair ruffled around the edges. The way his emerald orbs looked straight into my soul. The way he gave me a goofy smile when we'd mess around. The way his hand felt in mine when I'd shook it just three weeks ago. Everything about him filled my stomach with butterflies. But why in the hell was I thinking this way, I couldn't tell you. But it felt right, just so so right, that I couldn't stop. He was my drug, and I was already addicted. But he could never know. He would probably freak, then I wouldn't be able to have the one other thing I wanted besides a relationship with him, a friendship.

So I shoved the feelings. Deeeeep deep down inside. Until I could almost convince myself they weren't there. Almost. Cause when I'd get a glance of him in the halls, or he'd say hello to me in his deep voice, the feelings were like a slap in the face. I couldn't get rid of them and I doubt I ever would.

"Draco?" Speak of the devil. I turned on my heels. "What're you doing walking the halls?" I was met with the eyes I dreamed about.

"Free period." I replied, as calmly as possible, though my hands were impossibly clammy. "I could ask you the same thing, Potter."

"Therapy." He rolled his eyes. I know he didn't particularly enjoy going, as he'd bitch to me about his Dr. Luggs made him actually talk about his feelings. Though every time I asked him what they'd talk about, he'd just reply with 'nothing.'

"Ah! You're favorite time of the week!"

"Precisely." He shot me with one of the goofy smiles I'd thought about earlier.

A sigh escaped my lips.

"What's wrong?" The raven haired boy questioned.

"Nothing, but everything at the same time."

"I'd said almost the same thing during my session," he chuckled. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not particularly."

'At least not with you.' I thought.

"I get that. Why don't we go do some homework together?" He continued his way to the 8th year dorms, expecting me to follow him.

I nodded and proceeded after him. How was I going to do this any longer?