Flags. Pride flags. Pride flags were the first things I bought to make me feel like myself, hell, it wasn't even me that bought it. It was my older sister. She was the only person in my family who bothers to try, then again, her shoes were the same as mine. Having parents who act like Trump if he was a poor man sucks in a way. They hate themselves, hate you, hate me.
They hate LGBT. Therefore, they hate me. And her. She came out as lesbian when she was fifteen, she thought our parents were accepting, they never said anything openly bad about gay people.
She was wrong. they threatened to kick her out, send her to conversion therapy, said they'd rather her be pregenat with triplets than the slur they used. I learned from that experience. I was twelve at the time, but I knew from what happened with my sister, Eliza, being in a closet was better than being beat down.
I felt nervous around my parents, I guessed Eliza did too. Eliza moved out at sixteen, four years ago. I didn't have that luxury. Golden child, golden boy in my parents eyes. Went to church, got top grades, is on the student council, plays soccer. Golden boy. My parents are unaware I'm not male nor golden.
I'm non binary. I absolutely despise math and wish I didn't believe in numbers, but no, I, Presley Anker, am not the golden boy my parents want, but an athesist, though still intelligent, non male, bisexual, kind of a dumbass, child.
When Eliza bought me the flag, I almost cried. I'm not supposed to have contact with her, but she's doing theatre co op at my school, and therefore, I break the rules. She has a lesbian flag in her apartment, and a bi flag for her girlfriend, and one time I went over and she has two more on the table. Non binary and bisexual. My pea brain didn't think anything of it, assumed it was for a friend, little did I know they were for me.
She got them for my birthday, told me not to bother hiding them. Our parents already knew. They had heard people from school talking about it. Our parents tried pushing it back, far into their minds, and when I got home I finally experienced what Eliza did. I got kicked out, after years of being closeted, but unlike Eliza, I had somewhere to go. All thanks to her.
My biggest inspiration. She once quoted Andre Gide, saying "It's better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for something you are not." and I live by that quote. Thanks to her.
The pride flags are hung up in my room, beside each other. I was finally able to change my name at school, and be fully out, with my boyfriend. Finally. I took awhile to accept myself, and once I did I repented from my parents. Like Eliza did years before me. I often wonder what would've happened if I stayed with my parents, but I've learned to push those thoughts away. Eliza and Ami and Casper, they're all more family to me than my parents ever will be. And ever were.
Pride flags, everyone needs a bit of pride in their life.
