I Snapp3d

Me

Today I snapped.
I snapped,

Her.
I tried to control myself but I couldn't.
With every ounce of my soul I tried to contain that demon, but I failed.
All i had to do was walk away.
I didn't.
Now I'm here in this predicament.
Trapped in my horrible thoughts, trapped in my terrifying mind.
Every waking moment that I'm still alive i hear her screams.
I tried to drown out the sound with anything i can get my hands on.
I used a wooden spoon, taking it to the bottom of my cast iron pot.
It wasn't loud enough.
I found the last bit of the ice tucked in the back of the refrigerator.
Blending it in a large blender.
Still i can hear the screams.
Her horrifying screams.
I would have turned the music on but i tossed the Bluetooth speaker into our
75 inch flat screen television.
It's useless now.
It hurts so bad, the sound.
Her curdling scream, and her pain i can hear her pain.
I can hear her blood flowing through her veins.
I wanted it to be over, i thought every thing will feel better.
No!
I feel the same.
But this time I'm alone.
This time I can't apologize.
This time she can't keep crying.
I will no longer see those eyes of hers.
I will no longer see her smile.
I wont hear her laugh.
I can smell her scent.
We are no longer.
She, is no more.

HE.
He's gone.
I felt so much joy as i crushed him beneath me.
I knew i could win.
Does that make me evil.
Does that make me a bully.
Thrashing someone i knew i could beat.
Who defines these things.
Is it not fair.
I gave him fair warning.
I gave them fair warning.
Why didn't he listen to me.
Why didn't they listen to me.
I tried, with all of me.
To hold it in.
I tried.
I went to therapy on a few occasions.
I went to my anger management classes as instructed.
They didn't work.
Who's idea was it.
To determine that troubled individuals needed an appointed caregiver.
A college graduate, who i beat in age telling me how to act.
A professional chaperone.
None of it worked.
The money spent was a waste.
The time spent was a waste.
The past is the past.
I'm here now.
In my bedroom sitting next to 2 freshly warm corpses.
Their warm steamy blood flooding our California King mattress.
I can't even begin to think of a plan to clean this up.
I don't know why I'm sitting next to them.
Maybe its the confusion.
Maybe I'm in shock.
Am i shocked that it didn't happen sooner.
Am i shocked that this happened at our home.
Or am i surprised that these 2 dead people had their nerve to fool around in our bed.
My bed.
I'm alone now.

Them.
All of our friends knew about the affair.
No one thought to share this information with me.
They all knew.
They were her friends.
They just didn't know that i knew as well.
I knew before all of them.
I knew when she began coming home late.
I knew when she started cleaning herself up differently.
I knew because i checked her phone.
I searched through her email.
I had the perfect plan.
I have the perfect plan.
It was me who set this up.
I brought them here.
Just like i told everyone else to come over.