A Day in the Life of Alfred

Alfred's First Diary Entry

"October 30th 2020
Dear diary,
my friend suggested I start a diary. He said you'd be kinda like a friend that never dies. Just like me. Oh, I'm immortal by the way. I get a bit lonely since every friend I make just dies. I've grown used to it however, so I've learned to not allow it to bother me. Oh, I forgot to tell you, my name is Alfredo. Alfredo Antanacci. But you can call me Alfred. I can die, but it has a lot of stipulations. I can't be killed and I can't die from diseases. I can kill myself as I have considered, but that really wouldn't do anything productive. Someone has to help this God-forsaken world. I can't die by, say, throwing myself in front of a car, but I can die by stabbing myself. At least I believe so, I don't remember now. Anyway, I guess I'll tell you about my day now. So, I got up this morning exactly at 8:15 like I always do. I made my coffee and drank it while reading the newspaper. After I had finished that, I went to my study. I reorganized my entire library because my stupid friend came in to borrow something and disarranged all of my books. This took me until 5:37, when my friend called to say he took the wrong book.
"What do you mean, you took the wrong book?" I asked with a slightly annoyed tone in my voice.
"I grabbed the wrong one. You were rushing me to get out." He responded.
"I was trying to go to bed and you were making a bunch of noise."
"I'm coming over to get the book."
"Fine. I'll bring it out to you."
"Why? I can get it." He protested.
"Because I just reorganized my library." I yelled into the phone and hung up.
Long story short, I brought him the book and in return he gave me you. He isn't necessarily the smartest, but he's stuck with me the longest so far. I'll explain that some other time. So after that I put you on my 115th study table and went back to study table 123. There I continued the studying I started yesterday on my French. Usually I finish a lesson a day, but my friend was very loud and prevented me from concentrating well. I started my French lessons back up yesterday, I'm already fluent but a refresher is always nice. I'm learning exactly 205 languages, but I won't list them all now. I'm 1,178 years, 4 months, a week, and 2 days old. I was born June 21st, 842. My parents both died together 1,162 years ago and my only sibling, my sister, died 1,157 years ago. As a 1,178 year old cat, I've seen and heard a lot. I've been through over a 1,000 wars, big and small. I ordered pizza today. From Italy because American pizza is absolute trash. But first, I called Domino's to complain about me having to pay extra to call Italy because their pizza sucks. It went like this.
"Hello, this is Domino's how can I help you?"
"Oh, I doubt you can help me but-"
"Then why are you calling?"
"Excuse me?! *sigh* I will forgive your insolence for now. I just wanted to call and complain that I have to pay like five dollars extra to order pizza from Italy because your pizza is trash."
"Well that's nice." He said and hung up.
Then I ordered pizza from my favorite Italian restaurant and they delivered it in the jet plane like usual. Whilst eating my pizza I read the ingredients on the cereal box I had sitting on the table. Promptly after finishing my pizza I took a shower in my automated shower I built in my spare time. Then I returned to my study. Table 115. My English table. I do my daily lesson of English and then proceed to my bedroom, as by now it's around 10:15. I go to bed at exactly 10:30 and I meditate from 10:20 to that time. I started at 10:15 today though, so that I could write in you from 10:25 to 10:30. It's 10:30 now, so I'll be going to bed. I'll see you tomorrow, and the next several thousand years after."