My Love have a Time Limit

4

My fingers feel numb from the cold glass. I was standing alone in the dark hallways, sticking my face into the wide glass plane as Jace was beyond the transparent material.

I always don't like that white machine thingy floating around me like that, but I know that Jace was amazed by these medical equipment as they knew that they were the only one that can save us.

It was Jace's turn today, for his regular checkups. We usually do it once a week or there is a sudden changer in our health, which was the same as Jace condition now.

He was looking fine this morning, he even play with the guide dog while his master, a blind old lady was chatting with me.

I hate to stand here alone in the hospital hallway all but myself. The lamps hanging on the ceiling was far apart from each other, making the hallway seems endless and hollow. It was as though the helplessness in my heart will join in with the hollow feeling and gobble me up, swallow me whole, without letting me to even put up some fight.

As the hours went pass, the low temperature in the tiles floor seeped into my thin slippers and wooly socks, sending shiver up into my spine. The tingle feelings stays in my head and echo like a ghost, blowing cold wind at my bear neck occasionally whenever he feel like it.

I was afraid, very afraid. I was afraid that we don't even have that five years we were told. I was afraid that I will lose Jace. I was afraid of the foretold future. I was so afraid until I felt a twinge of regret.

If I had not known Jace, will I be so upset? If I stay away from him just like what my parents told me, will I be happier than this? If I reject him now, is it the best choice?

The abrupt dimed red "Operation  in Process" sign dragged me back to the reality. The doctor in mid-forty that i had almost known or life stepped out from the dark room and gave me  a smile that i shouldn't receive. "Jace is fine, he tried very hard during the operation, he will be back to normal by tomorrow morning but rememer not to run around that much! " He said in the most gentle way trying to comfort me but in truth, his  gentleness just reflect how bad i am. I was regretting meet Jace when he was fighting inside the operating room. What kind of human i was? Was i even a human? I feel like choking myself, i feel so disgusted with myself. 

He noticed my negative feelings but not my real thoughts as he ruffled my head as though he was trying to get rid of all my sadness. I'm not worth of these treatment! The guilty inside me was eating me up. I hate myself.