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(A/N): I can already see the dilaudid comments 😩 & once again- let's act like y/n & spence have minty fresh breath
*SPENCER'S POV*
I looked to my side, staring at Y/N's peaceful body. Her lips slightly parted, slivers of her hair covering her face. I loved when she slept. She looked so at ease. Like all of the problems in the world melted away.
I couldn't sleep. My brain was to busy thinking about things. Things like Y/N, and how she said she was falling in love.
For some reason, that made my heart flutter. Like I was glad she was falling in love. I didn't know why, I mean I was the one that said this couldn't be more than sex. But the more I think about it, the more I realized it was always more than sex.
It actually made sense that she was falling in love. The way I would take care of her was different from the ways I would take care of my other subs. I would make sure they were ok, of course, but I never took showers with them. I never washed their hair. I never walked them to their house, when they were tired.
I did all these things for Y/N because to me, she was so much more than just a 'sub'. She was my friend. My best friend. She was the only girl I could think about. She was the only girl that gave me pleasure without even having sex. She was the only girl I wanted. And the scary thing was that it wasn't just for sex. I wanted to hold her, all the time. Whenever I was home, by myself, my bed felt empty. Any time she wasn't with me, I would feel cold. She provided me warmth that I didn't know I so desperately needed.
She said she was falling in love. What did that mean? How long had she been falling? And why did it make me so happy but scared?
I realized I was happy because I like her. More than a dom would a sub. A dom would just like the sub for sex, unless of course they were in an actual relationship. Other than that, it was all just lust.
Thats all it was supposed to be with Y/N. Lust. Two friends who needed each other to relieve stress. But it was so much more. I knew that. Especially that one night when we were in the shower.
I saw in her eyes, how she was starting to get emotionally attached. And I'm surprised she didn't see that little gleam of emotion in my eyes. I couldn't face the fact that I was starting to get attached too. But who wouldn't. She was perfect. She was kind, and sweet. Even when I really didn't deserve it.
I was scared of confronting my feelings for Y/N, because I knew what it would mean. Commitment. I could barely focus at work because I was always so focused on her. Imagine how it would be if we were in a relationship. I would never be able to stop worrying about her if we were out on a case. I would take a bullet for her, and I knew she would do the same. That scared me most. I never ever want to be the reason she dies.
