The Reflection

I held my hands tightly in place over the wound as I told him , "Sir stay with me, the ambulance is on the way, I need you to hang on a little longer."

Stay calm Josie, I need you to stay calm...I kept telling myself over and over again until I heard the faint sound of the ambulance sirens.

He was young, this man. Amber hair and light brown eyes.

"I don't think I'm going to make it," he said through his teeth, I could see blood in his mouth and tears in his eyes, I don't think that's a good sign.

Stay calm Josie. They're almost here.

I looked down at the man, I'd say twenty-something, the bullet wound near his chest. Dark red blood covered his white shirt and his hands held my own, seeking help and comfort.

"What's your name sir?" I asked. 
"Jared, I don't...want to die." his words got caught in a bloody cough. Dammit I shouldn't be asking him questions right now. "Well... Jared, they're almost here, you're going to be fine." I smiled at him.

I wanted to reach out and touch his cheek, tell him he's too young to die but-

"Jared...hey no no no no no , stay with me!"

It was too late...by the time they got there I was holding a dead man, clothes covered in blood and my face, in tears.

I held his body refusing to let go. He was gone cold but I held him hoping my body would make him warm. My tears ran down his cheeks as I cried. I cried for this beautiful young man that deserved to live. I cried for this beautiful man that died with tears in his eyes. I cried for the beautiful man that deserved more than this unfair life gave him.

====

It has been 20 minutes, waiting to give my statement, and all I'm doing is staring at my reflection in the glass window across my seat.

The room was cold and my clothes still stained with blood, his blood. Jared, his eyes filled with tears as he said he didn't want to die. I'm sorry I let you down Jared.

I'm not sure I even recognize myself. As I stare at my reflection more, the more it looks different...now...it's just a woman staring at me.

The woman just kept staring...looking at me, her eyes piercing my soul, hurting me with every blink, every heartbeat and every breathe.

"You could have saved him"

"You could have done better"

"You could have called them sooner"

"You're a nurse for God’s sake!"

"You could have stopped the bleeding by taking out the bullet"

"Why didn't you take out the damn bullet?"

"You killed him!"

"This...this is your fault"

God damn it, I know!

Tears ran down her face, but she just kept staring at me, accusing me just as much as I accused myself. Her tears turned red, blood. Her eyes grew darker and her breath grew harder.

Stop...please just stop. I can't do this. I swear I really did try! "You should've tried harder," she spat back at me.

Her voice was like nothing I've heard before...

It wasn't just in my head, I heard it, I actually heard her voice. Her voice, not mine, why? Because it didn't sound like me anymore, just like she didn't look like me anymore.

I knew the moment she woke up, she wasn't just my reflection anymore. She stood tall, proud and hurt. She looked at me like she was so disgusted, and then she opened her mouth overflowing with blood and let out loudest horrific shriek.

I reached for my ears and my knees buckled as every single piece of glass around my shattered. I tried to hold in my horror but my mouth betrayed me. I screamed louder than I ever have. I screamed out hoping my voice would convey help, pain and emotion.

Hoping someone would save me from myself. My scream was over and everything was quite, I removed my hands from my ears and looked up. The glass which was, not even moments ago shattered, not even cracked. I stood up and I looked into the glass that once held my evil reflection, now showed only my scared self still covered in blood.

I heard whispers around me this time it wasn't her, I turned my head and felt eyes all over me. They starred at me, these people I didn't know, confused and concerned. I looked back my reflection.

She's trying to tell me something, isn't she?

I won't be the same anymore, will I?