𝑪𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝑪𝒉𝒂𝒔𝒆𝒔

Chapter 1

Cate Blanchett

"In my perfect world, I would stand here in front of you - calm, poised, remarkably confident and I would command your attention and deliver an introduction the way Cate would: effortless, unpredictable, charming, disarmingly confident, perfect. However, unfortunately, I am not Cate. I'm really just an awestruck superfan who was lucky enough to be asked here. So I'm going to make a very genuine attempt through my shaking voice to give her the honour she deserves. I remember the first time I saw Cate, I was 13 years old and I went to a local theatre to see Elizabeth. I remember when she came on screen. I can remember the feeling that washed over me seeing her, with her piercingly blue eyes and her alabaster skin. Her ethereal grace and magnetism taking over the screen, and even in her silence, even in her stare, it was one of the moments I knew for sure I wanted to be an actor; I wanted to be an actor like Cate. From that day on, I remember following her and watching her, being seduced over and over with each performance, and every character distinct, wildly different from the next. I never knew what to expect from her. I could never predict a line or a feeling. I would go looking for Cate Blanchett, but Cate Blanchett was never there. It was always someone else, someone new I had never seen before. I am often asked whose career do you admire or if you could choose an actress who has had the most influence in you, who would it be, and I've always been very hesitant to vocalise the one, or commit to a person because there's many influences worth phonying over, but the truth of the matter is, the virtues I admire most about Cate are the ones I could never disclose publicly. I sort of liken them into little private treasures that I visit for inspiration, for motivation, for reassurance or courage. This past summer, yet again, I went to a local movie theater and this time, not in the town I grew up in, but in the big NYC, and not as a 13-year-old girl, but as a young woman and as a young actress. And I remember walking to the theater with all the anticipation one would have having been starved of Cate for far too long. And I had been recently been feeling like a little lost and uninspired, feeling frustrated creatively to be a woman instead of a man in this business, but along with everyone else who watched Cate down with martinis and xanax, I was once again mesmerized by her uninhibited performance of Jasmine French: the portrait of a vulnerable unhinged woman caught in a downward spiral of despair, confronted with such a wickedly complicated character, Cate had to be perversely disciplined, and acutely aware of how deliberate and precise her choices had to be. I walked out of the theater, buzzing with excitement and bursting with the same feeling I had when I was 13. That longing to be able to do what she does, even if just a fraction of it, and I was reminded that, no, women in films are as interesting and as complex as men, they can be so much more actually. I read once, someone describing Queen Elizabeth as far too aware of her own exceptional nature to 'bout any man and I feel like the same could be said about Cate herself. As we saw, she once played as a man, probably better than any man could have. Cate occupies this rarefied air, this cloud of real estate that's marvelled at from the ground by the rest of us. It's been my true joy and inspiration to look up to her, to try and attain some of that grace and fearlessness that she possesses, to try and bring it in my own life, and to my own work. So ladies and gentlemen, please join me in recognizing Cate Blanchett with tonight's prestigious honour of performance of the year."

"Who is that young sweet up there?" I whispered to Sarah Paulson who was beside me.

Sarah rose up to me and smiling, she answered. "That's Rooney Mara."

Such a beautiful name. Perfect for a sweet young woman. The whole place delighted with such proud clamor. I smiled at every single one in the place before walking up to the stage where this young actress, in which I haven't had known before was waiting for me. She was wearing a black maxi dress and that complimented her sparkling eyes. She's tiny and I could see her fragility wavering up around. I could sense something that I could not decipher. Something with that lady rang a bell in me. I trudged my way and she welcomed me with the big plaque of honor on both of her hands. I smiled as I got the award.

"Thank you, honey." I spoke, enough for her to hear. I composed myself before facing the whole audience. "Oh come on, sit down! We're all too old to be standing." I started which attained a good laugh from the crowd. "Thank you for that sweet message, Rooney. You could do my eulogy, because I could die tomorrow." I spoke, wavering my award with my left hand and that made another circle of laugh went out from everyone.

The night was yet to end. I was in the table with my good friends in the business. Sarah with Holland. George Clooney. Keanu Reeves. Todd Haynes. Mary Greenwell. Jennifer Aniston. It was a great night and I was having a great company, but I was missing something. I roamed my orbs searching for Rooney. I didn't have an idea to why was I searching for her, but in me, there was a voice telling me that I should talk to her.

"Cate?"

I was taken aback when I felt George's hands tapping mine. Everyone's eyes was on me, as if they were telling me something was off.

"What?" I asked, unafraid of what might happen next, because swear I couldn't afford to dance in the center like what they would always wanted me to do. My feet weren't just made for dancing.

"It's Sandra." I looked at Jen intently, waiting for the next words to be spoken. "Sandy's back."

I felt my world gradually collapsing. I had to hold on George for support as I put down the glass of martini on the table. George draped his arm around ny waist and I closed my eyes, trying to process the whole momentum.

"Where is she? How did you know? Is she here?" I finally had the courage to ask.

No one dared to answer, but instead they looked at the direction and I did follow their stare. She was in a beautiful red prive gown. She was with Rooney. It looked like they were having a good time.

"Don't." Sarah held me, stopping me from going. "Let her for now. This is your night. Don't ruin this over a best friend who dumped you for no reason."

"Please don't talk at Sandy like that. You all don't know what happened." I started, trying hard not to break down recalling the past. "I'm at fault. She didn't do anything. So please let me go, guys."

My friends stared at each other, before they offcially gave me a nod. I got my purse and walked towards the table where Sandy and Rooney were sitting. There were a lot of cameras pointing and I had to play it cool by smiling and stopping for a second. Within me, I wanted to cry and just wrap myself around Sandy. God knew how much I regretted what I did. She was the bestest pal I ever had and it was foolish of me to break her trust.

"Oh my! It's Cate Blanchett!" Rooney exclaimed as she stood from her sit, welcoming me with a hug.

She looked like a fan, she was indeed an 'awestruck superfan'. I smiled at her before enveloping her for a hug. The hug lasted without a minute, but the moment we pulled off, I felt her entireness clinging unto my system.

"My mother talks about you a lot." She commented as she smiled at Sandy who was shocked to see me close.

"Your mom must be so nice. Send my regards to her." I replied, placing a soft caress on her shoulder.

I then offered Sandy a smile. I wanted to offer a hug, but I was scared. Perhaps, she would not want it so I opted not to.

"You don't know who my mom is, do you?" Rooney giggled.

I looked at her and Sandy before pursing my lips in a thin line indicating a no.

"Rooney... stop." And after nineteen years, I finally heard Sandra's voice.

Rooney smiled before she wrapped herself on Sandra. "Cate, meet my mom."

***