Exchange Year

Before the Big News

I've always begged my parents to move somewhere better than Serbia. Life here just wasn't for me. I never actually fitted in.

When I was younger I didn't quite realize that I'm kind of different than the other kids, I was pretty normal to me. In kindergarten, instead of playing with cars, I was drawing with girls and the desks. In elementary school, instead of eating lunch I was trying to learn English and talk to my teacher about great things America gives. But then in middle school, a lot of things changed and I started to feel like I don't belong here.

Middle school was a tough for me. I started imagining what my life would've been like if I wasn't born here, and so did the bullying start. My classmates called me gay cause I would only hang out with the girls and follow fashion trends but I just wanted to get out of that shitty place that I was in. I used to talk about moving to the USA ALL THE TIME. At one point of my life my dad actually wanted to move there and applied for visas, but we didn't get it. He tried four years in a row, and still nothing. 

By that time, the end of 7th grade/beginning of 8th grade I started losing hope. I slowly started realizing that I won't have a chance of living my dream life, and that's how my depression started too. 

I got diagnosed with anxiety when I was a young kid. I had a fear of being left alone/abandoned. Whenever my mom and I were driving in a car and she would have to stop by for gas or to buy something I had a huge fear that she'd leave me in the car and never come back for me. Same was with being home alone. When my parents would go to work and I would stay at home (summer break time, that's why I didn't go to school) I was crying and hoping that they'd come back home, even though I had a little sister and I knew they wouldn't leave her alone. 

I couldn't talk to people. My mom kept saying that I was just shy, but I wasn't shy at all. I had nothing to be shy about, I just had this feeling that everyone's judging me and that I'd do something wrong if I talk to people. There were times when I couldn't go to school. I had a fear that something wrong will happen if I go there, so my mom sent me to a psychiatrist. She diagnosed me with anxiety, and that's when my parents started treating me kind of different.

They started treating me like a little kid, even though I was like 10 at the time. They would allow me not to go out when I felt like it, they would allow me not to celebrate my birthday cause I had a fear of people, which I know they did because they love me, but it just made things worse.

I feel better now, don't get me wrong, I can talk to people much easier but I still have that fear all the time. Anyway, this whole story is not about my mental health, I'm here to talk about something else. My dream life. It finally happened. And here's my story:

Hey guys, this is my first little chapter of this, based on true events, story! Hope you like it!!! - nat :) ♥