my poetry and day to day thoughts

Diary Of A Fucked Up Kid

Living in this house is a nightmare.

My parents have resorted to making me feel bad about myself, or at the very least making me look like the bad guy.

I get in trouble with my dad and he'll say, "Why do you do stuff that you know is going to affect your mother. You're only hurting yourself cause it's gonna break the relationship you have with her."

I get in trouble with my mom and she'll say, "You're gonna be the reason your dad dies. All of this stress you're causing him is going to build up until it finally leads to his death so I hope you're happy."

No matter what I do i'm somehow going to get in trouble for one thing or another so what's the point in even trying anymore?

Why should I have to put myself thru this every single day.

They ask why I can't just get my stuff done and tell me that college shouldn't be keeping me from doing my chores and getting to work on time.

I have always taken on-level classes, well almost always. This year I started two advanced level classes for college in the middle of a pandemic. Besides my friend next door I haven't been able to reach anyone for help. I'm not good with electronics, I do best when I can ask a teacher questions face to face or at least in real time. Not only that but I'm also trying to work a bit more so I can have enough money to move out. My parents have decided to sell my car so I'll probably have to walk to work which is at least a fifteen minute drive. Soon my parents are both gonna have surgery so aside from the chores I already have to do every week and weekend, I now am gonna have to pretty much take care of the rest of anything extra they may need so that they don't move around too much and become paralyzed or die. My mom has already started hiring people to do cooking for our family and cleaning our house, and then she comes to me and asks me what she should tell them when they ask why I can't just do it. And when I remind her that I offered to drop my whole life for her and she declined she says that it'd be too embarrassing cause she'd have to tell them that she can't trust me to actually do that. And of course when I persist that I would she says, "Go ahead and drop out of college, then you won't ever amount to enough to get an actual job and you won't ever be able to earn enough money to move out of our house." 

So yeah college is the least of my worries cause I feel like strangling my parents in their sleep right now. Or even just laying in bed and not doing anything else for the rest of my life. I HATE THIS FAMILY.