Submerged

Submerged- Prologue

                                                                            Submerged

Prologue:

I let myself relax as the cool air surrounded me and wrapped me in a blanket that felt so inviting I couldn't help but welcome it and let out a sigh.  A sigh I had been holding for so long I felt I might burst from the sudden release of it.

My now broken and yellowing toe nails dangled dangerously close to the edge. As if one sudden movement forward could decide my death. But yet I felt at complete and utter peace. Well, that is what I believe it is.

At peace from what you may ask? Well, that I am not quite completely sure of. I will not lie and say I have not been through complete and utter pain. Because I have. Or I die for something I truly cared about no matter the pain. Because I will. And will. Just like he did for me. I'm not going to lie. I will tell you the truth. The complete one. No lies.

The truth being in which I don't  know is anymore. Nothing can compare to numbness I felt. Am living. Dieing from. Every hour of everyday. Every minute in every hour. Ever second of every day. It's all I feel. 

Loss.

Alone.

Numb.

That is all I feel. And if that is all I can simply feel then, how could I feel peaceful from it? 

All I know is I want it go away. Forever. I don't want to feel. Period. I do not want to feel numb. I don't want to feel anything. At all.

I don't even wince or even acknowledge the rush of pain that shoots through my arms, my stomach, my heart as I raise my arms above my head.

I don't hear the shouts and screams or even laughs from inside the forest. I just close my eyes and will myself to do something I've wanted to do since the numbness started. Since this all started.

Jump.

I soared through the sky and felt pure joy spread through my entire body all the way to my heart. Something I have not felt in a long long time. Joy. My heart. I would finally be free. Free from everything.

Cool air whisked past me. I could hear it whistling around me, as though as a final goodbye before I hit. 

It swallowed me up and ate me whole. I didn't fight or gasp for air, I just let it take me away. Crush me and cut me and break me away from my already broken and limbless body.

Soon the water filled me whole. 

Filled my empty heart and made it colder.

Fill my ears so I could hear no more of the cries and pleads that beg me to come back and stay.

Filled my eyes so I could no longer see my lifeless life of mine.

Filled my stomach, my lungs, my throat.

All of me until I thought might burst from the pressure but it kept going.Filling my cold now blue turning body. Its hunger eating me alive.

It finishing with my brain, so I could not longer feel the pain and numbness that had made me this. 

I closed my eyes and let it take me. 

Take me away and finish me off. I barley had the strength let alone was able to crock out through  split bloodless lips  I love you one last time before I gave in entirely and let the blackness finally swallow me whole.