GRIEVE
Grieving was never my strong suit.
Everyone does it differently. I tend to hide my emotions. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to act.
Right now I'm grieving though. Not only over my grandpa's one year anniversary since he passed away but because it's November.
And November is different for me.
November brings back way too many memories. Dark memories. So I'm not really sure how to cope.
I just wish I could go back and tell my younger self that it was all gonna be okay. It's not that simple though.
I failed
I lied
I basically fucked up
I cut
I cried
I hurt
I'm not sure what to do right now
I was depressed at ll years old!
I was sooo fucking afraid to do shit about it.
And now two damn years later I'm still in pain.
I don't know what to do!
I'm not depressed anymore or well I don't think I am.
I'm just soo scared...
How am I supposed to deal with my past.
I can't just LET IT GO
It's not that damn easy!
November hurts too damn much...
Memories hurt too damn much...
And words hurt too damn much...
But here's the thing...life hurts
We just learn to live with it
Everyone is fighting their own damn battles.
Including me...
Including him or her
Including you...
I'm not sure how to cope with November... How to cope with the memories it brings
Honestly, I'm not sure people realize how much of them selves authors put into their stories. I'm writing a story on the side on paper. I've only put the prologue on wattpad but anyways...
I've been writing this story for about a year yet I just keep deleting it... The protagonist is a girl in pain. She keeps her head up though and has a pretty happy personality. She defines me.
That character is ME. A girl in pain
Another character is like an old friend of mine that I no longer speak to or of. He really helped me two years ago though. The character is always there for the protagonist just like he was always there for me.
I wanted to give my protagonist someone like I had but better... (No disrespect old friend. Not like you'll even see this anyways...)
The antagonist is like all of my issues.
That story is me...
It's called "the girl she left behind"
And I guess you could say I really relate to the title...
Honestly though writing is my way of coping. But sometimes I just distract myself from dealing with my problems or from hurting by reading...
I'm starting to realize that that's not very healthy though...
Is it?
Damn I don't even know anymore...
Basically
I'm scared to grieve because I'm not sure how to ...
Do you?
Published on November 12th 2020 by a grieving Kailey
3:30 pm
