HOT SAUCE (Saitama x Reader)

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This is your second warning. I am sorry for this. This is going to be very bad. This is a joke.

You glance up from your book (or something idk fuck this entire thing i hate it so much) to see Saitama walking up to the apartment building you share. Something is off, but you can't quite place your finger on it.

As he walks through the door, it clicks.

Wow. This is a shock.
Saitama's usually smooth and to be frank, sexy egg like head, is now covered with hair. And that's pretty hot too.

"Saitama... your hair grew back."

He shoots you a glance. "Yeah, it's a side effect from a fight. What about it?"

Shrugging, you stand up and walk over
You take his head in your hands and run your fingers through his hair. It's a newfound feeling which you kind of enjoy, but not quite. As you pull him into your arms, he reciprocates the motion and initiates a kiss. You lean into him, tongue between his lips. He brushes a hand against your jaw, moving it to the back of your neck for support. As the two of you become sloppy and carefree with your movements, he pulls away flushed, and breathing hard.

"It's been a while."

You smirk and pull him towards the bed by the collar of his shirt.

Swiftly and with practice, you reach under the bed and fumble around for a strap-on (or you just go raw if you have a dick idgaf, this isn't meant to make sense), then run to the kitchen to grab a bottle of tabasco sauce.

You return to the bed and start to prep Saitama.
After squeezing some of the hot sauce onto your hand, you coat a long stripe of it down the length of the strap-on (slash dick, who's even keeping track)

"Okay egghead. You ready to get your rear in gear?"

Saitama stares blankly at the hot sauce, and then turns his eyes to you with a newfound lust.

"Yeah."

You turn him stomach side down on the sheets and press two fingers within him, drawing a series of soft noises.

"You like that huh?" You laugh softly into his ear.

Carefully you line up the tabasco covered strap-on with his ass and push in slowly.

Saitama let's put a cry which devolves into a long moan.

You lean over his back, placing soft kisses on his shoulder-blades and keep pushing. As he loosens around the strap-on (/your dick idk), you to move at a steady pace, moving slow but deep.

Soon Saitama is a mess below you, head thrown back with pain and pleasure.

"Ngh, it burns..."

You start moving faster, hips grinding into him more erratically.
By now you're fucking him so hard that his hair starting to fall out.
This time not from stress, but rather stress relief.

"Perfect."

You pause for a second before continuing the quite literally spicy sex, your hips taut and his jaw slack.

The heat begins to reach its peak, and Saitama lets out a cry before coming onto the bedsheets.
(idk you might come too if you have a dick, but this isn't about you, it's about me being clinically insane)

Gently, you pull out and he turns over to press his lips against yours. The two of you are a mess, collapsed on top of each other, breathing in tandem, completely spent.

Eventually you sit up and survey the damage. With the hot sauce and hair (double homicide) strewn all across the bed, cleanup is going to be a bit trickier than usual.

Turning towards Saitama, you land a firm smack on the back of his newly bald head.

"I like yo cut G."