Healing Ties (Ties, Book 2) | ✓

Chapter 10

Fanner was fairly certain Yore didn't sleep at all that night. He was sitting with his back against a tree when Fanner went to sleep, he was still there when Fanner woke in the night to urinate, and when Fanner woke up in the morning he was cleaning up their little campsite and making sure the fire was properly out.

He must have been tired, especially after Fanner had taken all that energy from him, but he didn't let it show.

He tossed fanner a bag of dried dates. "Are you up for walking today?"

Fanner nodded. "I'll do my best to keep up, sir."

"Good," Yore said as he twisted his torso one way and then the other, stretching out his back.

"Does it hurt?"

"My back?"

Fanner nodded.

"A lot of things hurt, but yeah. My back in particular cramps up easily. It's annoying."

"Because you got hurt?"

"Because I got hurt," Yore confirmed. "I should have died, though, so I try to be grateful for what I have instead of dwelling on what I've lost."

Fanner dropped his head and chewed his lip. He could probably help Yore if he wanted to. No, he definitely could. Scar tissue was difficult and slow to work with, but Fanner knew how. He could do it.

But he wouldn't, because no matter who or what Yore was, how could he trust him with that? How could he trust anyone with it? They would have to care about him more than they cared about what he could do or else things would be bad again, and nobody ever would. He was pretty and that was it. That had never been enough for anyone before and he doubted that would change now.

"How's your side feeling?" Yore asked.

Fanner looked down at his side. The scar tissue looked old now. "I think it's mostly healed. The skin feels tight when I move, but it doesn't hurt anymore."

"I've never seen a mage heal anywhere near that fast."

"Well, I— I did take energy from you. You were right." Fanner hadn't wanted to admit that, but Yore already knew. Maybe he could be diverted from thinking too much about why Fanner had healed so quickly, though.

"Mm, I thought so."

"You have a lot of energy, so I guess..." Fanner gestured at his side.

"It helped you heal faster?"

Fanner nodded. It had, technically, though not quite in the sense that he was implying. He undeniably had healed more quickly after he'd taken it than before, though.

"Why didn't you take energy from me earlier? I don't know if I would have agreed to let you, but I doubt I would have even noticed if you'd done it when I was sleeping. I didn't even realise you were doing something until I started to feel light headed."

Honestly, that hadn't even occurred to Fanner, but if it had he still wouldn't have done it. "I don't like to do it at all. I only did it because I thought it was my only option."

"Hm. That's fair."

"I—I'm sorry, though. Really. I shouldn't have done it."

"If someone was making me go with them and wouldn't even tell me where they were taking me, I guess I'd've done the same. I can't really blame you for it."

"Yes, but you're..."

Yore smiled and lifted his eyebrows, waiting.

"Well, I don't know, but you're not a slave. Obeying people without question is what I was bred and raised for."

"Ah," Yore said. "You know, I can't relate to being a slave. I don't know what that's like. But wanting to meet people's expectations, having a role you were born into that you're trying to perform... I get that."

"I suppose there are always expectations. For everyone."

"Very true. But sometimes you have to defy those expectations. It's not easy and often it makes people angry, but you have to decide certain things for yourself."

Fanner frowned. "Well... yes, I suppose that's how it is when you're not a slave, sir. Slaves should meet expectations and— and make people happy, not angry."

Yore inclined his head in acknowledgement. "That's fair. You try to forge your own path as a slave and you get punished and hurt and rejected. When it comes to defiance, there's no road for you to walk down."

Fanner dropped his head. His throat ached. "Mm."

"That's why you walked off into the woods, isn't it?"

Fanner kept his head down and gave it a sharp shake. "I'm not— that's not who I am. I didn't want any of this, I just— it just happened."

"Did running away from and fighting me just happen as well?"

Fanner shut his eyes. "I regret that."

"What I see is a man who does what he needs to. I respect that. Even if you've made mistakes, at least they're yours."

Fanner swallowed thickly and didn't respond.

Yore kicked the ashes of the fire to make sure it was properly out. "Why does that upset you?"

Fanner shrugged. He was hugging himself. "I think— I think if that's what you like in a person, you'll be very disappointed if you really get to know me, sir. If I could only be safe I could happily keep my head down and do what I was told for the rest of my life."

"But many would have kept doing that even if they weren't safe."

Fanner's eyes felt wet. "But I didn't."

"But you didn't."

"We're supposed to."

"I know." Yore finished packing the bag and did the strap up. "Listen, I'm really glad you're talking to me like this, but there are things I want to say that I don't feel like I can until we've resolved this situation. I'd like to put this conversation on hold and pick it up again when we can really talk, okay?"

Fanner nodded and rubbed tears away from his eyes. "Yes, sir."

"You don't have to call me sir, you know."

"I got the feeling you didn't really care either way, but..." Fanner shrugged.

"Well, whatever makes you the most comfortable," Yore said. "Ready to go?"

Fanner nodded and pushed himself to his feet. "Yes, sir."