For Us

26. Rocked.

{Jon}

Daylight was bright around the edge of the curtain, making Kurt's scarves glow like stained glass when Jon opened his eyes. He took a slow breath, stretching his arms, fingers and toes, luxuriating in how relaxed his body felt, how light and free of pain his head was.

Bringing his hands down, Jon's fingers brushed Kurt's hair. He peeked under the blanket; the other man was curled with his arms wrapped against his chest, his face burrowed into Jon's rib cage. Sliding under the sheets beside him, Jon laughed softly. He guessed that was quite a concession for Kurt to make in the night, to not sling an arm and a leg over him while he slept. He watched Kurt sleep, the complete peacefulness of his boyfriend's flickering eyelids and parted lips.

Jon was rocked by how deeply their encounter last night had touched him. He didn't know what he had expected--maybe at best a pleasurable experience for their bodies. Instead, Jon had found his whole self moved towards Kurt and opening to let him in. Giving Kurt a gift of kindness and pleasure had felt completely aligned with the self-giving person he'd been working to become his whole life.

And the gift Kurt gave him in return had shaken him right to his core. Jon couldn't think of the last time he'd allowed someone to care for him so tenderly. (maybe never?) He'd given Kurt just exactly as much as he was ready to give and it had unexpectedly multiplied to be more than enough between them.

He put his hand lightly on Kurt's stubbly cheek, brushing his lips with his thumb. Kurt sighed and opened bleary eyes. His lips curved in a smile under Jon's thumb and he kissed the tip of his finger. "White," he said huskily.

The realization expanded inside Jon; it wasn't just his body that loved Kurt. He, Jon White, loved Kurt. It felt weighty in his stomach, too much, too soon. He was blushing as he said, "Hey" back and tucked his hands under his arms. Behind the pleasant face he wore for everyday, Jon carefully folded his feelings into a more manageable bundle, tucking them away  for later.

Kurt blinked sleepily back at him a few moments, then said, "How's your head?"

Jon ran his hand through the back of his hair. "Good." He laughed softly. "My whole body just feels—so good." He kissed Kurt's lips. "So thank you for that."

Kurt's eyes followed him as Jon swung his legs out of the bed. "Where you going?"

"Church," Jon said. He glanced back, seeing the slight frown on Kurt's forehead. "I go with Cary to one of the mainline churches downtown. They're affirming; their pastor is even a lesbian."

He paused, trying to interpret Kurt's expression. "Do you want to come with?"

Kurt's face cleared. "Course I do. If you're going and I'm invited."

Jon smiled. "Service is at ten. I'm just jumping in the shower, then it's all yours."

Jon barely recognized the Kurt that came downstairs and helped himself to coffee. Kurt's hair was neatly pulled back, and his plain black Tshirt and jeans would have fit right into any church worship team in the city. Jon hadn't realized how accustomed to Kurt's flamboyant style he'd become until all traces of it were rubbed out.

"I told you our church is affirming, right? You can be out there, it's fine," Jon said.

Kurt slouched into a chair, slurping his coffee, glancing once at him. "Are you?"

"Yes," Jon said cautiously. "It's not like they take a poll at the door. But there's no one there I know from work or my parent's church."

Kurt's face was closed and enigmatic.

"Have you been to church since you came out?" Jon asked.

"Oh hell no," Kurt scoffed. "Didn't even know gay pastors could be a thing." He laughed sharply. "My dad would have kittens."

Jon studied him over his own coffee. Without make up or earrings or any touch of colour, Kurt had never so closely resembled the person Jon had crushed on in high school, and he realized he didn't want that back. All he thought of when he looked at Kurt now was how unhappy and torn his boyfriend had been then.

"Huh," Jon said softly. "I'm not sure how I feel about..." He waved his hand at Kurt. "...this look on you anymore."

"I thought you'd love it." One corner of Kurt's mouth pulled up, his blue eyes narrowing at him. "All the black."

Jon wrinkled his nose back at him. "It's not you."

"Now you know how I feel about that damn hoodie you pull on every day before you go out the door," Kurt grumbled. "The world is missing out on the real Jon White."

Jon made a dismissive noise. "Hardly."

Kurt's eyes flicked over Jon's grey V-neck sweater and Tshirt, the baggy jeans and battered sneakers and rolled his eyes, sighing. "Are you wearing that ball cap to church?"

Jon laughed. "No."

"Well thank god for small mercies," Kurt drawled. "Can I get an amen up in here."

854 words.