Protect Our Love

Chapter 39 : My Heart Hurts

Luhan's P.O.V.

"I don't remember." Jane said.

I bit my lips. D.O was crying when she said she doesn't remember a thing about us.

What about me?

Don't you remember me?

I wanted to ask out loud but it wasn't the right time. The other members were speechless because of the shocking situation. They just found out about Jane's gender and there she is. Sitting on the bed.

And she doesn't even remember a thing about us.

"Guys, lets talk outside. Jane needs to do her check-up now." Chanyeol remarked when a nurse entered the room. She looked so happy to see us she was entirely blushing.

"Ne." The others walked out together. Hyun Min patted my back and signaled me to go out. I gave him a light nod.

D.O was holding Jane's hands but Jane got this blurry expression.

"Jane. Jaebal, remember me. You can't just forget me like this!" He pleaded. Sad, desperate and- forgotten.

Jane slowly pulled back her hands and just stared blankly at him.

I was holding back my tears. Unsure about my feelings. I like her too and I found out she an agent, and a girl. I also found out D.O is her boyfriend. And now, she doesn't remember D.O or EXO.

Or even me.

So, what do I do? Let her go?

Gosh. This is such a mess. It feels so terrible to have a crush on someone that doesn't even recognizes you anymore. And even worse, your friend turns out to be your crush's boyfriend. Damn.

It seriously hurts. Really hurts.

********

Jane's P.O.V.

My heart. It hurts.

Really, really hurts.

It hurts even more than when I found my parents death.

It hurts even more than when I found out my friend, Daniel, killed my parents because I destroyed his.

It hurts even more because I couldn't do anything to be with him. With Do Kyung Soo.

The boy I truly love.

Yes. I lied. I faked my amnesia. I had to. I have no other option. If I tell him I remember everything, I'm going to make things harder for him.

I love him and he loves me.

He's an idol and I'm an agent.

How does that makes sense?

An idol has an image to keep and I have many other people out there to protect.

What if people find out about us? He'll have such a though time handling the media and all. Imagine how hard it will be when the whole wide world wants to know about an idol's relationship. Plus, think about my cover. If the whole world know about me, I'll be suspended or even worse, fired.

But everything has just begun.

Yeah, I did retire or you can say quit my job when my parents died. But the past is the past and I've move on. I have to keep protecting. I have to keep doing what I am born to do.

So, you see. Neither both of us can be together. For his sake, for my sake. I have to do what I have to do.

Even if it hurts very much.

I didn't realize that warm tears were rolling down cheeks. The nurse that was placing some medicines on a table saw me and frowned. "Gwaenchana? Uljima. You should be happy idols came to visit you. They must be your close friends. I wonder how you know them but you clearly don't remember them at all." She said cheerfully. "Eat these on time and get plenty of rest. Who knows? Maybe you'll remember them again."

I just nodded slowly as she left me alone. I got up and took a few steps to the nearby window. What was there to see? I looked down and saw EXO's vehicle leaving the hospital. I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream. I wanted to hug him. My boyfriend.

No, he's not mine anymore. No matter how much I want to be with him, to protect him, I can't. SWS told me to pretend to have amnesia, to end things fast. I have a new undercover offer in China so I'll be leaving soon, maybe in a week from now. After I get discharged, I'll go straight to SWS. They will take care of my house, my school transfer and my things at SM.

Exo's dorm.

I don't have the courage to go there. I don't want them to see my tears. I just need to forget them and move on with another life, geuchi? Agents do that often.

Geundae, I'm not sure if I can do it again. You know, move on. Ahh. My head hurts! My body hurts!

But my heart hurts the most.

I just watched their vehicle disappear into the busy streets as I hold my tears. Yeah, I failed. My tears rolled down again, soaking my cheeks. I took a deep breath.

"Neo gwaenchana? Eodi appa?" His words kept ringing in my mind.

Kyung Soo-ah...

If you ask me that again, then I have the answer.

Nae simjangi ♡ :') (my heart)

********

D.O's P.O.V.

I went straight to my room when I arrived. I couldn't keep my sadness anymore. I sat on my bed and cried. Like a damn sad baby. I know crying makes a guy look weak, but now, I am weak.

I am weak without her.

"Hyung?" I heard the door slowly opening and Kai's head poked from behind thd door.

Great, D.O. You forgot to lock the door. Jeongmal daebak!

I pulled my blanket over my body. Kai's foosteps grew nearer and I felt a weight on my bed. He sat on my bed, just beside me.

"What do you want, Kai?"

"Hyung." He paused. "Erm. I don't really know if this is the right thing to say. Geundae... I think you should calm down. Who cares if she lost her memories? She did a great job protecting us and she even, well, faked her gender for her job. And I believe that, if she once loved you, she will discover her love for you in no time." He said.

Love.

That word made my tears fall again. How could love be so cruel? How could love be so unfair?

And why does love makes me feel pain? Wae, wae!?

I do agree with his point there but what if she doesn't remember me, FOREVER? Amnesia takes time to recover. Some people even gave up waiting and started a whole new life.

Jane? A new life without me?

She'll probably be okay but what about me? I remember everything. EVERYTHING!!

Owh. Why did you do this to me?

My heart felt like it was going to burst. Gosh. JANE. Jinjja appa.

Nae mami appaseo.

(My heart hurts)

*Who hurts more? Jane or Kyung Soo? Or maybe Luhan?

Well, it's not love if it doesn't hurts.

I know these chapters are short and super boring but I hope all of you can keep reading. Well, I don't want to end it too fast, you know. Maybe some chapters left? I don't know. By the way, gomawo for reading xD

#GODBLESS

#KEEPREADINGPLEASE