The First Love | myg

Part 33 | I Will Love You

Y/n's perspective :

I go home and sleep on my bed. Not even a single tear drifts out of my eyes. Maybe there are not many of them left inside. Mom then comes to my room and sees me sleeping on the bed motionlessly.

"Don't worry mom. I'm still alive." I say.

She then lets a few tears drop off her eyes and comes closer to me. She puts my head on her lap as he suits herself on my bed. She brushes my hair and rubs my shoulders. She sniffs a little bit.

"Why are you crying mumma? I told you I'm fine." I say blankly.

"Y/n. I'm your mom and it hurts me the most when I see me daughter like this. I'm not telling you stop being like this. You don't need to hide your pain infront of me. But, it's just.. I can't see my daughter like this." She says.

"I'm sorry you had to go through all this along with me mom. I appreciate it you being sad for me, but if you stay sad because of me, remember it hurts me too. Infact, it hurts me the most seeing you like that because of me. So, just let me be by myself. Let me face this myself." I say, making my mom kind of flinch.

She's probably shocked because of what I just said. She never saw this bold side of me. I never knew I had one. But they say, 'you'll never actually know until you face it'. That's true I guess.

"I'm so proud of you honey. I'm happy that you are trying to face this yourself and I appreciate it. Just promise me one thing and I'll leave you to deal with it."

I turn my face and land the back of head on her lap to look at her face.

"Just promise me that.. you'll not take any wrong step. You have a mom and she lives only for you. Things like this keep happening so that we can learn what life actually is. We need to learn to overcome them and move forward in life. That's what I've done so far."

She sighs deeply and continues.

"All my family members were against my wedding, when I wanted to marry your dad, because he's an orphan. They all didn't talk to me since I married your dad. They all forgot that I even existed. Later, I was happy that I got you, but it didn't last longer, because your dad left us so soon. I felt miserable. I felt all alone. I wanted to kill myself. But I didn't do it. Because I don't want to end myself for someone who left me. Instead I decided to live for someone who loves me. I decided to live for you. And I did it. I just want to tell you one thing. Don't ever cry or think of dieing over the people who left you. May be they are not meant to be in our life. Instead try to live for those people who loves you and see how your life changes. Just like mine." She says giving me a weak yet the strongest smile.

She's the strongest person I've ever seen. She never told me any of this, but now she did. I mean, the thought of suicide did pass my mind. But, now I'm not gonna let that thought enter my brain. I'm going to live for my mom.

I smile at her and wipe the water flowing out of her eyes.

"I promise you. I'll never do such thing. Not only now, but in my entire life." I say, as she chuckles a bit, sniffing.

She kisses my forhead and says an 'I love you' and I reply a 'me too'. I give her a small smile. Mom always says my smile is so satisfying. It shows what I actually have in my heart. May be my mom understood what I actually feel. May be she understood that, those words I just said are from the bottom of my heart. She just smiled back at me and left the room with a tint of satisfaction being visible on her face. A satisfaction of persuading me from not taking a wrong step. A satisfaction of a proud mom.

I sit up on my bed and decide to write my diary.

Things have been quite... unnatural since that day. So Yoongi literally said I hurt him right on my face. The funniest thing is I didn't even let out a single drop off my eyes. Idk how I managed to do that. I loved him and seriously didn't expect things to turn out this way. Looks like life is not as easy as we solve the value of 'x' in the maths text book. (Remember you're a nerd) I miss him already and I don't know how I am going to stay without talking to him later. I don't even want to think about it. But, I'll do it. I'll do it for my mom. I'll do it for myself. I'll do it for Yoongi. Yes. If he'll be happy because of me staying far from him, I'm ready to do it. But.. I will never stop loving him. I never ever will. I just can't do it. Even if it hurts me. I'll love him. I will love you Yoongi.