Kenma listened to the quiet whistle of the wind, the pattering of the rain. He became hyper aware of everything, causing anxiety to fester in his heart. He opened his eyes, then looked down. His vision got blurry as his eyes filled with tears. He wanted to jump, but every muscle in his body was stopping him. Tightening his grip on the railing, he took a deep breath, preparing to take action in one fell swoop. He stepped one foot up onto the railing.
“Kenma!” a voice cried out, causing Kenma to flinch and swing his head around. He grew fearful as he saw Kuroo and Hinata standing on the roof with him.
“Kuro? What are you doing here?” Kenma said shakily. He was certain Kuroo was asleep, and even if he wasn’t, he surely hated Kenma. So why was he here?
Kuroo stood there for a moment, looking at his friend standing a fair distance away from him. The moon lit up Kenma’s silhouette, making Kuroo notice the rain had exposed scars on his face and arms, which looked like they’d been there for a while. Kuroo’s suspicions were correct, but he couldn’t have imagined the severity of the injuries Kenma was trying to cover up. Worst of all though was the look on Kenma’s face. He had shadows under his eyes from his lack of sleep and his eyes were red and puffy as though he’d been crying. An intense look of pain was on his face as he desperately held onto the railing with a shaky yet firm grip. It seemed that Kenma was pumped full of adrenaline, so Kuroo concluded that if his friend decided to jump, he wouldn’t make it in time to stop him. He needed to talk Kenma out of this.
“Kenma, what’s wrong?” Kuroo asked stepping out into the moonlight, his stomach turning as he tried to figure out how best to support his friend.
“Nothing is wrong, Kuro,” Kenma said, giving Kuroo an empty smile. “Or at least it won’t be for long.”
Kuroo took a shaky breath, trying to collect his jumbled thoughts. “How long have you been feeling like this?”
Kenma’s body tensed up, his smile becoming more forced. “Please Kuro, just let me do this. I just want you all to be happy.”
“Well, my happiness comes from knowing you’re okay. I want you to be happy, Kenma. So please, tell me what’s wrong,” Kuroo said, pushing back his hesitation.
“You have no idea what you’re saying!” Kenma yelled, lowering his face to cover his pained expression. Tears began to run down his face again. “I’ve tried being happy, Kuro, but I can’t. I just can’t! So what’s the point of dragging all of you down with me?”
Kuroo made a fist with his hands, trying to remain as calm as he could in order to support Kenma. “What makes you think you’re dragging us down?”
Kenma clenched his chest, refusing to raise his head. His head became agitated as his thoughts spiralled out of control. “Don’t play dumb, Kuro,” Kenma said weakly. He suddenly lifted his head up, exposing his tear-soaked face. “I know that everyone has been gloomy because of me! The only reason Lev snapped at me today was because I’ve been causing unnecessary tension among the team. It’s my fault for being so weak. And you…” Kenma stared at Kuroo, who seemed to be holding back his nerves. The image of the injured Kuroo from his dream flashed in Kenma’s mind as he looked at him. “I hurt you so much,” Kenma continued. “I thought I was helping you by pushing you away, but I ended up hurting you instead. I’ve burdened you this whole time, making you worry about me and look out for me, so I thought that if I stopped you, you’d be happy. But I only hurt you more! No matter what I do, I hurt you! That’s why I should…”
“Kenma,” Kuroo said, taking advantage of the brief silence. He then smiled gently, the moon brightening his face. “You could never be a burden to me. Relying on others isn’t a hassle. I’m always happy to help you – you’re like family to me after all. You’re the one who taught me to come out of my shell and supported me in playing volleyball, even when you didn’t have to. I feel safe in your company and when you’re by my side, I feel like anything is possible. You’re a selfless individual who always tries his best for others, even if you pretend not to care. When I see a smile on your face, it fills me with joy. Knowing that I’ve helped you or made your day just a little better is the best feeling in the world. You being happy is my happiness, Kenma.”
Kenma’s hands trembled as he strengthened his grip on his shirt, looking away from Kuroo briefly. He wanted to free Kuroo of his burden, so why didn’t he seem miserable all of a sudden? Just a few hours ago, the two of them couldn’t even look each other in the eyes. But now as Kuroo stared at Kenma, he smiled softly like he had before. Kenma focused his attention back on his friend, who had taken a few steps closer to him, but was still a fair distance away.
“There’s a reason you’re still here, Kenma. A reason why you seem so conflicted.” Kenma felt anxious as he listened to Kuroo’s words, causing him to look away again fearfully. “Something’s stopping you. What is it?”
Kenma scanned his mind for reasons, but in all honesty, he already knew what was stopping him. He looked at Kuroo, his body relaxing a little.
“You,” Kenma responded softly. Kuroo flinched a little, not expecting the answer received. He thought that he’d hurt Kenma, that he put his friend on the roof, but hearing that he was the reason for Kenma still being here, he felt his eyes begin to water. “You were my first real friend, Kuro. You stuck by my side, even though I’m an awkward mess. You constantly check to make sure I’m okay. You understand me better than anyone else.” Kenma looked down again, trying to push past the tears to continue speaking. “Even after everything I did to you, even when I tried to push you away, you still came up here to stop me. I’ve taken advantage of your kindness for so long, and after our argument, I thought you’d never want to speak to me again. But you’re here…”
Kenma began to weep, unable to talk. Kuroo stepped closer to Kenma, now being within arms reach of him. The latter continued to look at the ground, taking notice of Kuroo’s feet entering his vision.
“You’re my best friend, Kenma. Of course I came to stop you. I’m not going to let one silly argument take what we have away. So please…” Kuroo reached out his hand, warmly smiling at Kenma as he choked back his tears. Kenma slowly looked up at his hand, then met eyes with his friend again. “Come down and let me help you.”
Kenma stared at his friend for a moment whose face was expressing genuine kindness. He then looked down at the hand that has been extended to him. He focused on this as his brain began to clear itself of thoughts. Kenma gripped the railing tighter for a moment, then gingerly let go, his hand drifting steadily towards Kuroo’s. As his hand got closer, Kenma stepped down from the railing, but his legs gave way. His hands gripped onto Kuroo’s forearms as he fell, to which Kuroo quickly fell to his knees to ease Kenma’s dissent. Kenma tightly held onto his friend, his face directed at the floor. He began sobbing, crying out as he emptied out the pain from his heart. Kuroo simply knelt in front of him, allowing his friend to unload his pent up feelings. It felt as though a weight had been lifted from Kuroo’s chest as he realised Kenma was now safe.
After regaining some strength, Kenma lifted his head up. Looking over Kuroo’s shoulder, he noticed Hinata standing there, his face displaying a mix of relief and tension. Kenma let go of Kuroo, then open his arms out and smiled at Hinata. The ginger boys eyes shimmered, then he ran over to his friend, dropping to his knees and embracing Kenma. They both buried their faces in each other’s shoulders, crying as they gripped the back of other person’s shirt. Kuroo smiled gently at them, thankful that Kenma was finally being true to his feelings. The two of them eventually stop crying, pulling away from one another and smiling peacefully. Kuroo then stood up, offering his hand out to the two of them. They both took his hand, getting on their feet.
“Let’s go,” Kuroo said gently. Kenma nodded and the three of them walked off the roof. Once they reached the bottom of the stairs, Hinata said he would fetch towels for the three of them, then ran off. The other two walked back to the classroom where the rest of the team was, but as Kuroo was about to open the door, he felt a strong tug at his shirt. He looked over his shoulder to see Kenma with his head facing down, his body trembling a little. Kuroo realised that he needed to allow a bit of time to prepare his friend to be ready to face the team, so Kuroo sat down by the door with his legs extended outwards. He then patted the floor next to him, so Kenma sat down beside him, bringing his knees up to his chest and hugging them. Hinata came back, handing the two of them towels. Reading the situation, he offered to go into the classroom and explain the situation to everyone else. Kenma accepted this offer, thanking Hinata for explaining things on his behalf. Kenma and Kuroo sat quietly for a moment as they dried themselves with the towels. Once they’d dried off a little, they let the towel hang around their necks, then they both silently stared at the ground.
“So how did you know?” Kenma said timidly. Upon glancing over and noticing Kuroo’s perplexed look, Kenma elaborated. “How did you know to come find me I mean?” Kuroo stared at Kenma for a moment, then smiled as he looked away.
“Surprisingly it was Chibi-chan that brought me to you,” Kuroo said with a slight pain behind his eyes. “He burst into the room and shook me awake. He had the most terrified look on his face, saying something was wrong and I needed to come find you. I hate that I almost decided to roll over and ignore him.” Kuroo looked down, his face becoming guilt ridden. He then tilted his head back and looked up to the ceiling, smiling sadly. “He got mad at me, then finally yelled at me and asked if I’d seen your message.” Kenma grew a little anxious, curling himself up a little more tightly. “Once I found out about that, I practically shot up and ran with him to the roof. When I saw you still standing there…” Kuroo choked up a little, covering his face with his hand. Kenma looked up at him worriedly, but Kuroo took a deep breath, wiped his eyes and then smiled at Kenma. “I was so relieved to see you still alive.” Kenma’s eyes widened, his eyes welling up again. Upon seeing this, Kuroo teared up as well, a sight that was rare to see. He then laughed a little as he dried his tears. “Look at you making me all emotional!”
“S-Sorry Kuro,” Kenma said sadly, to which Kuroo began to ruffle his hair.
“What are you apologising for? There’s nothing wrong with crying.” Kenma felt a small weight from his heart lift as he heard those words. All this time he assumed he was weak for crying, but seeing his friend do so without shame made him feel more relaxed. Kuroo returned his hand to his side and the two of them went silent again. After wiping his teary eyes and composing himself, Kuroo spoke up again. “So do you want to talk about it? I’m all ears if you do.”
Kenma looked up at Kuroo, hesitating for a moment. But after everything that has happened, he felt he owed it to Kuroo to tell him what he had been hiding. At first he wanted to only briefly mention what he’d gone through, but he soon began going into more detail, pouring his heart out. He told Kuroo everything – how he was bullied in his third year of middle school, how he had gotten all of his scars, how he felt anxious and depressed, how insecure he was. Kuroo quietly listened to his friend, allowing him to vent to him without interruption. Whenever Kenma would get caught on his words or would start to cry, Kuroo would patiently smile at him, giving him time to collect his thoughts. Eventually Kenma had said everything he could think of saying. He glumly looked at the floor, waiting for Kuroo to respond. His mind filled with thoughts on how his friend would react, fully expecting his friend to yell at him and reject him. To his surprise, Kuroo smiled warmly and placed his hand on Kenma’s shoulder, gently gripping it.
“Thank you for telling me all of that, Kenma. I know it wasn’t easy to talk about that. And I’m sorry you had to go through all of that. I may not be able to fix your problems, but please know that I’ll always be here to support you whenever you need me. And together we will get through this. I’ll help you take the steps you need to get to a more stable place, a place where you can feel happy again. No matter how long it takes or how hard the journey is, I’ll stay by your side.” Kuroo removed his hand from Kenma’s shoulder, then looked over at his friend, who looked at the floor with a bittersweet smile on his face.
“I wish it was always like this,” he said, gently stroking his thumb against his arm.
“What do you mean?” Kuroo asked, raising his eyebrow.
“I mean I wish I had just been open like this from the start. This peaceful atmosphere, this honesty - maybe things wouldn’t have gotten this bad. I just didn’t want to bother you with my trivial concerns.”
Kuroo looked at Kenma with a concerned expression, then he grinned playfully. “You could never be a bother to me, Kenma. You’re like a little brother to me. And maybe things would have been different if you’d spoken sooner, but that isn’t important right now. The important thing is I know now and I can help you from here on out.” Kuroo lowered his head. “You’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met. There’s no one in my life more important to me than you.” As he finished speaking, he felt something on his shoulder. He looked over to see Kenma fast asleep with his head rested against Kuroo. He chuckled to himself a little. “Always sleeping at the most important of times, eh Kenma?” Noticing a single tear rolling down Kenma’s cheek, he brushed it away. He then gently propped Kenma’s head against the wall, getting in front of Kenma and lifting him onto his back. He walked towards the door, then slid it open.
When he walked in, everyone turned to stare at him. There was a mix of emotions in the room – some looked guilty, some looked pensive, some looked frustrated. Yaku was sat facing the door with Hinata sat in front of him. He had tears in his eyes as he looked up at Kuroo. He felt his heart drop as he saw Kenma peacefully asleep on Kuroo’s back, leading him to cover his mouth as he began to cry again. He then stood up, shakily making his way towards Kuroo. He began weakly punching Kuroo in the chest as he cried.
“I knew it! I knew something was wrong! Both of you were acting so strange – I knew he wasn’t okay!” He then stopped jabbing at Kuroo, slowly resting his head on Kuroo, his face pointing at the floor. “I failed to stop this! This is all my fault!” Kuroo looked down at Yaku with pain in his eyes. He desperately wished to comfort his friend, but he couldn’t do anything. Shibayama made his way towards the two of them, placing his hands on Yaku’s shoulders.
“S-senpai, maybe we should continue this discussion when Kenma-san has been put to bed?” Yaku lifted his head to look at Shibayama, then wiped his eyes and moved out of Kuroo’s way. Kuroo walked over to Kenma’s bed, crouching down and carefully laying Kenma down. He pulled the covers over him and took a moment to look at his friend. Kenma’s eyes were red from crying so much, but he looked peaceful now. Kuroo turned to the team as they all looked at him. He got on his knees, then suddenly placed his hands out in front of him, bowing his head before the team who were in shock.
“I’m sorry for making you all worried,” he said in a formal tone. Yaku had a serious look on his face. He walked in front of Kuroo, kneeling in front of him.
“Kuroo, lift your head,” Yaku said bluntly. Kuroo hesitated for a moment, then did as his friend requested. Yaku stared at his fellow third year for a moment, then lunged at Kuroo, wrapping his arms around him. “Thank you, Kuroo. For saving Kenma.” Kuroo sat in shock for a second, then reciprocated Yaku’s hug.
“If it wasn’t for Chibi…no, Hinata, then I wouldn’t have even known Kenma needed saving.” The two of them remained in each other’s arms for a while, then pulled away. They both smiled at one another in relief, then looked up at Hinata. They stood up and the rest of the team gathered around them, looking at one another with the same thought in their mind. They lowered their heads in front of Hinata, then in unison, quietly spoke.
“Thank you for saving him.” Hinata stood silently, his eyes filling with tears as he smiled joyfully. More than anything, he was glad that Kenma was okay.
After a little while, Hinata left to head back to his room, asking the team to make sure Kenma was okay and exchanging a glance with Fukunaga before he walked out the door. At Yaku’s request, Shibayama went to fetch the key to the classroom, locking the door after he came back in just in case. After talking among themselves and comforting one another, the team eventually realised it had gotten really late and, despite everything, they would have to wake up for practice tomorrow, so they settled in to sleep. Though most of the team managed to sleep fairly quickly out of exhaustion, some simply laid in their futons with their eyes wide open, contemplating things quietly.
Kuroo laid one his side, watching as Kenma slept, his mind filled with a mixture of thoughts. Suddenly, he heard Kenma whimpering. He calmly stood up and walked to his bag, reaching down into the bottom of it. He pulled out a cat plushie - the same one Kenma had gifted him at the present exchange - then sat back down on his futon, placing the plushie on Kenma’s open hand. Kenma instinctively wrapped his hand around the plushie like a child, then pulled it into his chest, curling into a ball as he held it and smiling peacefully. Kuroo waited for a while to make sure his friend was comfortable, then got back under his sheets. After some time, Kuroo slowly closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.
YOU ARE READING
Singleplayer RPG
Fanfic[Haikyuu AU] Kozume Kenma is a highly reserved individual who doesn't have many friends, making him an easy target for bullies. As he suffers at their hands, his mental health begins to worsen. Even though there are people around, he feels alone fig...
