Wrong body

Chapter one

Have you ever heard of disassociating? Well if you haven't, it is described as an out of body experience. Or feeling uncomfortable in your own skin. I feel like that every day.
The body I'm in is not mine. I was born in it, but it doesn't belong to me. You may be confused. I'm a trans girl. Born as a boy. I come from an extremely Catholic family.
"Justin, come here!" My Mom calls. Just hearing the word 'Justin' being used as my name makes my heart drop. "What is it Mom?" I ask.
"Are you ready for Church?" I had completely forgot about church. I hate church. I always have to wear a suit, and listen to a Paster talk for an hour about the Bible, but of course I have to go.
I get my gray suit on. "You look very handsome son." She says. The words 'son' and 'handsome' linger with me the whole cat ride to Church. As if a voice is whispering in my ear  "you're not good enough for her to love. She will never accept you'
We get to church, and I sit in be soft velvet seat. I hear the Pastor say "As you all know we are on Leviticus." He openes up a big book and begins to read, "You shall not lie with a male as with a woman; it is an abomination.
If a man lies with a male as with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination; they shall surely be put to death; their blood is upon them."
It hurts. I am not gay, I'm trans, but it still hurts to know that people who are just so similar to me are hated for being them and loving whom they love.
Once Church is over I'm all shaking. It is hard to listen to that stuff. When we get home I open an app called discord on my phone. I text my ibf Zoe. "Hey can we talk?" I write in the text bar. I hold my breath as I click send. I see Zoeisacrazycatlady is typing. She says "Yeah what's wrong?" I write "there's a secret I've been hiding from you" in the text bar. I rethink that and delete it.
Instead I write "there's been something I want to tell you for a while." I hear the little letters type. I backspace it all. "I might be transgender" I write, and delete again. "I'm trans!" I type and send without thinking. Here come the anxious thoughts.
What if she hates me. My head starts spinning. What if she tells my parents!!! I start to get dizzy. What if she doesn't accept me! I fall from dizziness. What if she doesn't want to be my friend. I start to get nauseous. What if she never what's to speak to me again!!!!! I feel like I'm about to throw up. What if she- I suddenly can't see anything.
Zoeisacrazycatlady is typing...
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Author note:
Please forgive the inaccuracies of the Church scene as I am Jewish and have never been to church
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