The Alpha House

Chapter Six

Jamie and I walked up the five flights of stairs to get to his room in silence. I knew he felt bad about letting it slip that we'd already slept together, but I was the one truly to blame. There had been no reason for me to lie to the other girls -- it was so stupid. And now they all hated me.

I was too overwhelmed to sleep, so I got to work unpacking my boxes and suitcases. Jamie showed me where I could put my clothes in the half-empty walk-in closet, and told me that I could move anything else to make room.

"I'm just gonna go shoot around out back for a bit. Are you alright?"

I looked up, lost in the work of hanging up my jeans and folding my shirts. Jamie was standing in the entrance to the closet, a basketball propped under the crook of his arm. I noticed, not for the first time, just how broad his shoulders were.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Have fun." The words came out soft and lifeless, and I tried to muster a half-smile so that Jamie wouldn't ask me any more questions. He didn't.

In typical Addison fashion, I channeled all of my emotions into the task at hand. I organized all of my clothes in the closet, lined up my shoes neatly underneath, and then started in on the bathroom. Jamie didn't have much in the bathroom cabinets, so I filled them with my skincare products and toiletries. I added my shampoo, conditioner, and body wash to the shower, and on second thought, added my shower cap, too. If Jamie and I were going to be living together he might as well see me in my true form.

"Don't freak out. This is fine. Everything's just...fine," I whispered to myself. When I looked down at the framed picture in my hands, I realized they were shaking slightly.

It was a picture of me and my best friend at graduation, walking side by side in our blue robes. Benny was smiling widely, a smile that I knew all-too-well, and I was caught mid-laugh by her side in the photo.

Benny had been my teammate, my roommate, and my best friend for all four years at Duke. She was more like a sister than a friend, and it had been weeks since we'd spoken. When I'd moved to Alpharetta and she to DC, we had agreed to call or FaceTime each other every Sunday at 2 pm. We'd both missed the last three Sundays.

I felt unwelcome tears well up in my eyes as I continued to stare at the framed photo, and I fought them back. I am not going to cry.

I had never been very good at making new friends; all throughout middle and high school (and college), I'd been on the volleyball and basketball teams both at school and in the AAU league, so I'd never had to really make friends. My teammates were my friends. I guess I just missed that sense of friendship and sisterhood, and I'd tried too hard to force that with the other girls in the house.

When Jamie returned, it was nearly midnight., but I continued to unpack my old books, journals, and yearbooks to put on the empty shelves he'd cleared for me on his bookcase. I just needed everything to be in its place and then I could rest.

"Addison."

Jamie's voice sounded softer than usual, and I turned to see him standing uncertainly by the bed. He'd showered, and his wet hair was even darker than normal. He was also shirtless, wearing only a pair of basketball shorts to sleep in.

I gulped.

"It's late. You should really get some sleep."

"I will. I just want to finish this."

We spoke like strangers. I wondered if Jamie was walking on eggshells around me because he thought I was going to snap and start crying again. He clearly didn't know me well enough to realize that my crying spell the other day had been an anomaly. I wasn't a crier: I was a doer. I would get things done while I processed my feelings. That's what my parents had always taught me.