van ; ryan magee

elementary

violet magee has been my best friend since elementary school. her parents have always been nothing but welcoming to me, willing to offer a ride or a plate of food anytime i asked. their house was an oasis when my parents were arguing or tight on money. the only facet i never quite felt the warmth from was ryan. ryan, two years our senior, friends their parents didn't like (and still don't), bad grades, loud music. don't get me wrong, he isn't mean, just always at arms' length. i think a lot of her other friends, girls who've come in and out of our rotating group, have developed some fleeting feelings towards him, and i can see why. he's mysterious, i guess, just not my type. 

it isn't elementary school anymore, though. ryan graduated two years ago and moved from his parents' house to his parents' attic and sent out an application to slackers. senior year has been full of small interactions between us, but still nothing. miss cecile asks me about him sometimes on the off chance she sees me away from violet. i think she wants me to be some sort of positive influence on him; she doesn't like his girlfriend very much. i use the term girlfriend lightly; according to violet they just make out in his van after work sometimes, but i don't think anybody cares to make it their business. jim and cecile trust him enough to make good decisions.

it's january first tomorrow. violet told me to make talking to ryan a resolution for this year and i told her to fuck off, but maybe she's right. he's on his second gap year (as if he's waiting to go somewhere) but who knows how many more he'll take? i already know i'll be at their house in a matter of minutes, so i have a good opportunity to start that i wouldn't pass up if it were anything else. i nudge her arm next to me just as it looks like she's nodding off. "we're almost there. i'll do the thing," i mumble as her eyes readjust to the light coming through the bus window. 

"what thing?" she tucks her neglected book back into her bag, leaning into the turn the bus makes. 

"the ryan thing. i don't think we have anything in common, but i'll try." she smiles in acknowledgement and lets her dark eyes close again for the few minutes of ride we have left. my second bag - clothes, snacks, anything else that didn't fit - is nestled between my knees. ryan's supposed to have his friend matt over tonight. i wouldn't tell anybody, but i always thought he was cute. i used to watch him play games from the kitchen when we happened to visit at the same time. all he does anymore is god knows what, up in the attic with ryan. they normally go to whatever party has weed on new year's, but miss cecile asked them to stay this time. her and jim got invited to a work event of some kind and needed matt and ryan's "authority" in the house with us to rest easy. 

the bus brakes hissed and violet is startled back awake. we tromped through their yard, yellowed and patchy from melting snow. the door swings open and cecile greets us, extending party favors from the doorway. she had the living room and kitchen decorated top to bottom- streamers, helium balloons, snacks on the coffee table and bar. i already knew the fridge would be loaded with food lion's finest. i could hear jim bustling around upstairs below the music i knew ryan must've put on. matt's shoes were already nestled by the front door. violet scoffed as i kicked mine off and set them next to his. "really?" she set her backpack down on the kitchen counter and escorted me up to her room. 

"what? he probably won't even notice." admittedly, it was an effort to make small talk with him when we leave tomorrow, but violet didn't have to read my mind like that. she pauses in the hall in front of me, leaning towards the door of her bedroom. she mouths "they're in there" and splays a hand on the door, readying to push it open. their whispers inside turn to a hush. violet turns to face me as the knob turns to reveal ryan. his expression is unreadable as always. 

"why are you in here?" violet pushes past him, making a beeline for the bed, before she notices matt, sprawled out across her mattress. "are you kidding me?" his eyes meet mine and he half-smiles at me. i shrink into the corner as ryan plops down on an unclaimed sliver of violet's bed.  

"mom told us to hang out with you guys," ryan shrugs. "we were just waiting on you guys i guess." waiting on us? i let the seed of ryan caring about me be planted in my mind. 

"you two are fucking weird." a lone shoe skitters across the floor towards violet in retaliation. matt sat up suddenly, laughing to himself. 

"when are your parents leaving again?" ryan's un-enthused response is overshadowed by jim, standing quietly in the threshold.

"we're headin' out, don't burn the house down, okay?" he asks, eyes on ryan.

"wouldn't dream of it, jim," matt smiles from behind ryan. his stepfather shuffles out and matt springs up in front of us, a look on his face. 

"whatever you're planning, no," ryan grumbles. he crosses the room to crack a window, pulling a cigarette out of his jeans pocket. violet leaps out of her seat, catching his wrist before he can flick his lighter. 

"not in here, stupid." he rolls his eyes and sits back down. "mom decorated for us, we should be downstairs." without waiting for a response, she escorts herself out. i exchange fleeting glances with matt and ryan as we follow suit. as we descend the staircase - first ryan, then me, then matt - a hand brushes mine on the banister. i pretend not to notice the way ryan's hand tenses up as it pulls away from mine.