You became my everything

Chapter 8

When I opened my eyes, my head was buzzing like I was at a really cool party. Raising my head, I looked around. The room was like a den. Things were scattered everywhere, furniture overturned, everything that hung there was torn from the walls. The memory quickly gave me the events of the previous night, and I groaned out loud. My eyes stung again, but there were no tears. There is apparently a limit to the number of tears. It seemed to me that I had exhausted mine for five years ahead. Glancing at my watch, I immediately jumped, as I realized that if I didn't want to explain to my parents what had happened in my room, I had to hurry to clean everything up.

A couple of hours later, my father returned from work, followed by my mother. They immediately bombarded with questions about how I spent the weekend with my "friend".

I headed to my room. I was not ready to talk about it.

I took the phone and saw about twenty missed calls from Minj.

And not a single one from Bora. Surprisingly, I was grateful to her. The best solution for me was to disappear. Cut off all communication channels, contacts, try to cut it out of my memory, although I perfectly understood that I would not be able to do this soon.

Two weeks later, we started school. If I say that it has become easier for me during this time, It will be a lie. It didn't feel any better for me, even after a month. Even after two. Even six months later. I hardly remember that time. I don't remember vacations, holidays, I don't remember what I did, what I talked about with people.

Before that, I had many friends. Especially at the institute. People were reaching out to me. After what happened, I did not let anyone in. I pulled away from everyone, I even tried to push Minji away, but she patiently endured my tantrums, my rudeness, my behavior.

It was more difficult with my parents. I could not explain to them what was wrong with me, they saw only the outer side of what was happening, so they began to seriously worry and started to think that I was using drugs. My aggression, apathy and weight loss made them suspect that their beloved and only daughter was a drug addict. It was funny to me when we were sitting at the doctor's office, my father was sternly silent, and my mother was pulling a handkerchief in her hands. But how they exhaled when the doctor said that no traces of drugs were found. But they tensed again when he made another diagnosis - depression. Then the doctor said that he would recommend contacting a psychotherapist, that it is better not to joke with such things. I rolled my eyes and, thanking him, dragged my parents out of the hospital, saying that I would deal with my problems myself.

In the evening, my father came to my room when I was already in my usual position - stretched out on the bed, with a player, and staring at the ceiling. I took out my headphones and sat up on the bed, staring questioningly at him.

Father coughed, moved his gray mustache and asked:

- Will I sit down? You do not mind? I shook my head, moving to make room for him next to me.

- Something happened? I asked, turning off the player.

- You tell me, - I saw how my father was nervous and it even made me laugh. He never gave me "educational conversations", so I had absolutely no idea what to expect from his visit.

- I'm fine," I repeated the phrase I had learned. I was so trained to speak in a calm voice that I could well have given an Oscar for this role. Everything inside me was shrinking, I had a scorched earth in my soul, covered with ashes, but only indifference was written on my face.

- Siyeon, you know, I do not know how to say all sorts of beautiful and clever words, I am not a professor, and I can hardly tell you something that you do not know, - my father sighed, - but you are my daughter. And I see how something seems to oppress you. You don't smile, you don't go anywhere. What happened to you? I'm afraid for you. And I'm scared that I can't help you with anything, - he said and looked at me. There were tears in his eyes. My father's. And he spoke so sincerely that I was angry at myself, that I give them so much trouble and worries - my mother has not slept for many days. Doesn't say anything, but I'm not blind or deaf. -"What happened to you? Tell me Siyeon. Is there something that oppresses you?