Him [Starkid AU]

Him

~H I M~

The wind wasn't blowing outside that night. It stayed still as our feet crunched on the fall leaves, my breath appearing in front of me with each step I took and the further we walked. He didn't say anything to me, but he didn't let go of my hand. His hand was tight around mine, not letting go, as if by doing so we would lose one another like a mother and child at the store. He held my hand like it was for himself, and not for me.

I pushed some brown hair from my face, my glove brushing the side of my cheek, reminding me how cold it really was. His hand was warm though.

Where were we going on such a cold night? We'd been walking for nearly ten minutes since he came to pick me up. He was polite to my folks as usual, shook each of their hands, complimented my mother in her sky blue blouse and promised to take care of me. He'd flashed his smile at my parents, the one he used for everything.

That smile. The one that captivated me when I saw him from down the hall on my way to Biology. The one that pulled me out of my funks when I fought with my parents. That smile that couldn't be defeated by anything. His smile.

He wasn't supposed to be anyone. He was supposed to be the annoying boy next door. He was supposed to be the strange, dark and brooding kid in the back of the class, who never spoke unless called on. He was supposed to be all of that. But he wasn't. He was my best friend. He was my boyfriend.

He was mine.

I looked up at the messy haired boy. His curls blocked the majority of his face from where I was standing, being significantly shorter than he. But even though the street lights around us were low and the moon no longer shone in the sky, I could tell his blue/grey eyes were sparkling, just like they always were. His eyes always made me interested in what he was thinking beyond his expression, wondering if he was angry, if he was sad, if he was happy. If he was tired of me. I often found myself wondering that, wondering what he saw in me that made him believe I was suitable for him. I cared about him, I did. But many times I questioned his actions.

We turned a corner, through another street where no cars were driving, where no people were mingling, where no one was around. It was just him and me. Me and him. Alone together on an early fall night at ten pm.

I wanted to ask him again where we were going, wanted to break the silence between us that had been going for longer than I felt comfortable with. I wanted to talk to him, I wanted to hear his voice again. It felt like such a long time since I had heard his voice speaking to me, whispering sweet nothings in my ear, telling me that my new sweater was cute, or even just running his fingers through my hair. I wanted all of those things, but all I had was holding his hand and walking down an empty street on a Saturday night at ten pm.

My heart was beating loudly in my chest, making it seem like if the wrong move was made it would explode. One wrong step in the wrong direction and it would stop. My breathing stayed as even as I could manage it, my breathe still visible in front of me as my sneakers propelled me forward on the sidewalk. I was having a hard time seeing now, the darkness surrounding us on all four sides.

Crunch, crunch, crunch. Our feet seemed to talk back to us as we crossed over to a different pathway.

We cut through an alleyway next, making his actions more suspicious than before.

I wish I could have checked my phone to see how much time had passed since we didn't speak. I didn't want to be rude, going for my phone in my back pocket while I was out with him.

I pushed more hair out of my face, my gloved hand not proving to make this easy for me as I attempted to do so.

I remember the day he moved in next door to us. Him. When his mother brought over cookies for my family while he tagged along, holding his mothers hand and looking so different than the boy...the man holding my hand as we walked down the dark street. His hair wasn't shaggy, rather shorter at the time. But his smile was the same as the smile I'd always seen from that day on. It was the same as the gorgeous smile that over time I got to know. His mother had introduced themselves to my family. He had pumped out his chest and introduced himself, declaring he was fastest seven year old at his old school. I wasn't the girl who would laugh and say she was the fastest. I believed him. I didn't say anything. I had thought he was a nice boy, I had thought he was funny. But I didn't make it a habit to stop over to see him. I didn't make it my mission to be his best friend. He was just my neighbor.