Reflections

Is It Really for God, Or For One's Pride?

I remember having listened to various religious debates while growing up in Ozamiz City. Sometimes I would hear it in OsRox Park or in front of the old public market. Two or more local religious leaders would argue about certain verses and would try to point out proofs of those verses and it appeared to me that they never really wanted to glorify God by making each other appear insignificant or lacking in knowledge or seemingly ignorant of the written texts in the Bible. Looking back into what I witnessed more than twenty years before, what I used to consider faithful service to God by preaching the gospel to a throng of undiscerning passers by who are too busy pursuing their own personal businesses than to listen heartily to the arguing religious leaders now appears to be arrogance. They used to appear saintly to me for having memorized almost every written verse in the Bible, but if I look at them now, the picture of godliness has turned sour and dour. Faith can not be preached by word of mouth alone. It must be made credible and alive through visible works of the hand, cleanliness and purity of heart and one’s relationship with a fellow Christian regardless of religious affiliation.

Let’s face it folks, too many religious congregations have been sprouting here and there. Well and good. If the primary motive is to spread the word of God and promote peace, understanding and harmony within the human race, then everything would have been for the glorification of God. But if a congregation does it by badmouthing another religious group and claiming to be the only group to have known the meaning of salvation and the only group who ascertain salvation at judgment day to the point of treating other people as those who have communicable diseases, I am not sold out to it. Why? Because no matter how any religious leader would phrase it, I am certain of only one thing: No matter how diverse the ways each and every religious congregation has of glorifying, worshipping and praising God, it doesn’t change the fact that we are all Christians and we are glorifying the same God. If we can not unite ourselves in faith despite the fact that we claim allegiance and dependence on the Christ who has saved us on the Cross, perhaps, it’s high time that we reassess our faith, our religious affiliations and most importantly, our own selves. For the problem, if there is any, might not have lain on the texts we read on the Bible nor the church we have run to as refuge against the snares of the world, but on the motives we hold within our hearts. We might have unknowingly let the seed of pride grow big and mighty inside our hearts until it has out shadowed the radiance of godliness and goodness that lies in each and every one of us sans the stain of PRIDE that the devil has planted within us.

I don’t claim to be too pure of heart either, because just over a month ago, I have had plans of joining another religious affiliation claiming that the Catholic Church could no longer satisfy my spiritual hunger. Well, I used to say these things with an arrogant sneer towards my very religious colleagues who never missed a Wednesday or Sunday mass and who never even bothered to answer my insulting statements. Pride? I should be ashamed to admit it, but I am not. I took pride in the gift of intelligence my Creator has had endowed in me and I forgot the fact that if there is anyone who should be glorified for my intelligence, it should be HIM and not me. I failed to even think that no matter how vast the gift of intellect is, there will always be things that must be left to faith… things that can never be fully comprehended through human understanding alone. I claimed to have disintegrated myself from the Church that has embraced me since birth; further claimed that religious people have caused me to act like this --- to feel like this when in fact, if only I had been honest enough, it was but a camouflage of the confusion I suffered deep within. My chosen self alienation from my Church, the Roman Catholic Church, was not anybody’s fault contrary to what I made myself believe. It was my own making… it was a choice I freely made and one which I selfishly blamed on some people. But then, perhaps, it’s human nature after all for everyone would certainly agree that it’s easier to point a finger at someone than to try looking within himself and at himself and see that the fault might really have been lying deeply seated within himself. Well, majority of us has felt that hunch --- that gnaw of conscience especially when we are left with no one but our own self for company --- but we choose to ignore it because we are afraid to confront the monster that lie within ourselves.

It took a scary event to turn my faith upside down and inside out. I am ashamed to say that I might have provoked my God to show me His presence in some things that I used not to believe in. The evil possessions that happened to my students on August 8, 2008 had been an eye opening and spiritually enhancing experience to me. It was nightmarish, it was scary, I even wished it were all a dream, but I experienced what I experienced and I saw what I saw and with the experience came the realization that despite my claim of great faith and utmost dependence on my Creator, when faced with difficult situations, I still found myself lacking spiritually. If the problem had been financial, it would have been easier to remedy because I could always run to loan sharks for immediate reprieve from financial needs. But when you are faced with an opponent you do not see and one you haven’t fought before, how do you fight it? Are you even sure you could outwit and outsmart it? Some of you might read me with a smirk on the face… or simply close the page vowing never to read me again, but then, it’s your choice and it isn’t my loss if you do. I am only sharing my experience in the hope that you can learn from my mistake.

I used not to believe in the rosary thinking that the mysteries are simply taken by the Catholic Church too literally. I used not to have that much faith in the holy water nor in the holy salt because I thought they are but feeble protections from evil entities. But I believed in the cross as most Christians regardless of religious affiliation believe in it. During that scary event, I was proven wrong over and over again. The possessed students screamed for the rosaries to be taken off because they burned on them. They spit the holy water that the priest made them drink because it was very hot. They couldn’t grasp the holy salt because of its heat. If you think I am making this all up, I tell you I wish I am. I wish I did not have to sit a mere 2 meters from the church altar watching the exorcism going on. I wish I did not have to go through the fear and the nightmare, but God had greater plans for me, perhaps. He loved me enough to scare me so I will see just how strong the church he built is. He loved me enough to humble me and make me accept my frailty and confess my shortcomings. When I got home that afternoon, for the first time in my 35 years of existence, I prayed the rosary. The following day, I got an appointment with my parish priest and confessed my shortcomings and reconciled with the Catholic Church.

I am but a humbled Christian who couldn’t claim to be perfect in faith and character. In fact, I find myself lacking in a lot of things, but who isn’t? I am still a toddler in faith and desperately in need of my Father’s protection and guidance so I wouldn’t stumble and backslide again. 

I remember what I have read in a gospel booklet I had the read:

As the time of Christ’s second coming draws near, we should put aside all religious biases and work together as united children of God who are worthy to be called “CHRISTIANS.

So, why aren’t we united in Christ? Why do we bad mouth another religious congregation so we can uphold our own affiliation? Why do we need to sever our ties with the other people in the belief that they are inferior to us? If our religious affiliation isolates us from other Christians, does it make it superior … does it make us superior and nearer to the Christ? If we had been a loyal follower but a foul neighbor; a diligent religious worker who can’t lend a hand to a relative in need, an active preacher but a monstrous and selfish master, can the Christ whom we so shamelessly pledge our faith to really take joy in what we do? I don’t think so because He doesn’t look at the work of the hand… God looks at the motive that has driven us to do what we have done.

Having graduated in a secular institution, I remember my teacher saying that the real church of God isn’t a building. The real house of God is within each and every one of us … it is within our hearts. And for us to really house Christ within our hearts, we need to let go of our extra bag gages of pride, prejudices and hypocrisy. 

You think your religion is superior and its followers the only people eligible for Christ’s salvation? Well, that’s your belief, brother and sister. But before you drown yourself in such self righteousness, could you please spare a few moments to ponder and ask yourself if what you believe is for the ultimate glory of God … or simply for feeding your hungry pride…..