I am not afraid of your scars

1.

This is how we heal.
I will kiss you like forgiveness. You
will hold me like I'm hope. Our arms
will bandage and we will press promises
between us like flowers in a book.
I will write sonnets to the salt of sweat
on your skin. I will write novels to the scar
of your nose. I will write a dictionary
of all the words I have used trying
to describe the way it feels to have finally,
finally found you.

And I will not be afraid
of your scars.

(Mouthful of Forevers - Clementine von Radics)

X

A thousand miles down to the seabed
Found the place to rest my head
Never let me go

(Florence & The Machine)

****

That first night, Will woke up kicking the sheets, gasping for air and looking around, only to find that Hannibal's bed was empty. He fisted the bottom sheet while his head kept spinning and he tried to discern where he was, until the moonlight coming through the small windows finally allowed him to recognize the cabin of the boat.

After the fall and crawling out of the water with the raging waves trying to claim both of them as theirs, they had broken into a small clinic, where Hannibal had tended to their wounds with steady hands but shaky breaths. Everything that happened afterwards was foggy in Will's memory due to the pain and the drugs, but he didn't even question anything when they managed to go to a small cabin in the woods that apparently Hannibal owned. They were there what could have been a few days, a few weeks, a few lives. They spent those days in almost complete silence, feeling their wounds heal with each passing and aching second. And finally, one day, Hannibal had started packing the few things they had there and Will knew it was time to go. They bought supplies in a 24-hour store where they didn't have to interact with anyone, keeping their heads bowed and as far from the security cameras as they could, and then went straight to the wharf. There, Will had the larger boat he hadn't taken to Europe when he had gone to find Hannibal.

"I think we should go first to Puerto Rico. I know someone who can provide us new identities," Hannibal told him when they had loaded up everything in the boat.

Will just nodded, not even a little surprised that Hannibal 'knew people' who could do that for him.

And that very first night in the boat, out into the vast sea, Will woke up after having the nightmare. Once his mind adjusted to the notion that he was in a rocking bed, and not in the wooden cabin anymore, he ran a hand through his hair and then turned to the other bed in the opposite side of the narrow cabin. He was putting one foot on the cold floor ready to get up, when he heard the toilet tank's sound coming from the adjacent bathroom. He quickly lay back down on the bed and covered himself with the sheets ignoring the cold sweat on his back. When Hannibal returned to the bedroom as silent as a cat, Will pretended he was asleep, but he was almost sure that the other knew he wasn't.

The next morning, Will looked at Hannibal a couple of times while he was buttering his toast, but he seemed normal. Or, at least, as normal as Hannibal had been after the fall; he seemed like he was waiting. Waiting for Will to talk first, waiting for him to move first... And that confused Will even more than the battling feelings that were crowding inside him since the fall.

The second night, he woke up again from the nightmare, and that time the first thing he did was look across the room. Hannibal was lying in bed with his back towards him, facing the wall, but when Will stayed still a couple of seconds, he realized that he was awake. Something in his breathing, or maybe the strain in the muscles of his back told him that he was only pretending to be asleep. Will wasn't sure if it was for his sake or because he didn't want to face him in a moment like that, but he thanked him silently anyway, and got back to sleep.