f**k you i love you too

yeah i guess, uh fuck you

fuck it. after days of fighting and hours alone in dreaded grief and anger and sadness i was so done. so yeah fuck it. 

i arrived, not being able to tell if i was pissed off, excited, or ready to break. i reach the door turning it slightly, unlocked. they were home, i knew they were but they were just so forgetful like always but now is not the time. i took a deep breath, feeling the air and my chest rise. seeing my breath showing in the late november evening. like i said fuck it!

i slammed the door open not even caring if would be thrown off. she was sitting a chair startled on the sudden door and me, "who broke her heart". 

"val? what are you doin-!" she started but i cut her off walking over to her grabbing her by the collar of her black hoodie and shoving and pinning her against the wall. she looked like a goddess, aphrodite? more like persephone. her bright eyes yet black hair showing her as a radiating form of beauty and I was dumb enough to fall in love with her. 

"god damn it mia! shut it." i looked up at her with anger? lust? love? "i didn't love you huh? i didn't show you that i loved you- that i love you? i don't know what i'm doing i've never been in love before. real love i mean. like yeah i loved you at first sight? as a friend i guess?" my grip loosened as i started to get confused where i was going with this.

"val, look you don't have to apologize before you leave, just go-" mia started looking down to me almost as confused and angry as i was.

"okay, fine. i get it mia. i'll leave, screw love then huh?" i backed up from her, turning to the door. "because i guess what we both said about love wasn't true right? because i just need to go back home thousands of miles away fine. Fine." i left to go to the door reaching for the handle to close the wide open door.

"what we said about love wasn't true?" mia yelled back, "i loved you so much and you were blind to it the whole time! i showed so much emotion to you that i was forgetting what  any emotion other than love, felt like. val i loved you so deeply that-" 

i cut her off, "you loved me? you LOVED me, amelia? what happened to that love amelia? because I know full as well mine isn't gone, your telling it to leave."

"val, valerie! you know I didn't mean it like that, I still love you more than you ever loved me." Mia walked up closer to me. 

"more? more than I ever loved you?" i walked closer feeling heat, feeling tension. "i loved you so much more than a supernova exploding, more than the heat on a summer day, more than energy you get when you lay in the rain, more than dancing in the dark moonlight, mia I just" fuck it you know?iI kissed her. 

i kissed her with every once of love i had in my aching soul, my heart pushing out of my body wanting, craving, needing to be with hers. she kissed me back. she kissed me back with the grief and heartache we caused each other. it felt like we understanding, my anger and her sadness, melting away other emotions showing, the ones that i feared, her anger and my sadness.

i broke it off it felt like hours even if the kissed lasted 10 seconds.

 "uh i love you."

"yeah?"

"yeah, i guess, uh fuck you."

SO THAT HAPPENED, uh yeah this is a 1am mind vomit while reading a fic and i just got this in my mind so i can continue? if you want me too if you like it or my writing style. so yeah thanks!(btw theres gonna be way more angst so dont worry. or do. i would)

-author char~