peter pan

seven

it wasn't renjun who explained it to jisung, it was jaemin. renjun found it hard to look at jisung. as jisung's eyes were still a bit swollen, dark circles were visible under his eyes.

after jaemin explained, jisung wasn't moving, just staring at his hands placed on his lap. yes, he felt better than the past days, but right now, facing the cause of his messy days. it wasn't renjun's fault, jisung knew. but he can't help but feel distant towards the older.

jeno and mark stayed in the living room, while they went to renjun's bedroom, letting the two explain everything to jisung. so when jaemin finished his explanation, it was all silent.

jisung didn't know what to say, nor what to feel. everything seems mixed up. should he be happy that now he can be with renjun? or sad because if ever renjun and him could be togther, jisung thinks renjun would do that just because he feels bad for jisung, considering the younger's current state. that renjun just doesn't want to see jisung all sad so he'd agree and be with him.

when jisung confessed to renjun, renjun never said a thing about liking back jisung, and that's what makes jisung uneasy. he didn't want to force the older to be with him. what if renjun already likes someone? but since jisung already confessed and he didn't want to hurt jisung, he'll dump all his feelings for that someone and be with jisung. no, as much as he likes renjun, jisung isn't that greedy and thoughtless. renjun deserves to be with someone he loves. he had been a great hyung to him. he admits he still has feelings for the older, but he had been selfish enough to keep renjun by his side these past years, and now it's time to end that selfishness.

"j-jisung?" renjun stutters out. it was all he could say. he felt guilty knowing he's the cause of jisung acting like this.

"ah~ that's why, now i understand. i was just surprised seeing you with renjun-hyung." that surprised renjun and jaemin, even jisung himself. jisung doesn't have a choice though. this is the only way renjun wouldn't do what jisung's been thinking earlier. if renjun sees that he's happy and all okay, jisung thinks renjun will let it go.

the only way jisung could think of, by being a coward.

he knows it. that he's being a coward, but it's what he thinks best for now. "don't worry hyung, i understand it now." he gave them his smile and took his way to the bathroom.

jaemin said that it happened just now. so the renjun that he's been with was not the fairy-renjun. thank god, he wouldn't know how to react if it was the fairy-renjun. all he did these past days was eat and cry until he falls asleep.

jisung felt guilty for human-renjun, taking care of jisung, cooking for him, being patient with jisung when he refuses to eat. when those thoughts hit him, he promised himself that after this, when it's all over, jisung would treat the older with a lot of meals. thinking the renjun now was now also the fairy-renjun, he kind of doubts himself if he could still fulfill that promise.

when jisung left the room, renjun looked at jaemin, his surprised look still on. while jaemin answered him with a sigh. this is harder than i thought. jaemin says to himself. he thought jisung and renjun's relationship would be back as what it is before, but after remembering renjun telling him that after he left, how jisung confessed to renjun and how he haven't talked to jisung since that day. renjun looked so tense on their way to human-renjun's house. and now, seeing jisung just proved how much pain he's caused the younger.

jaemin thought the younger would be all glad about it, to be with renjun. but he thought wrong. well, yes jisung did look glad about it. at least that's what he makes them see. but even after that day, the next days, jisung and renjun wasn't still talking to each other. renjun said jisung was avoiding him. that made it harder. jaemin really thought jisung would be happy being with renjun, but seeing the younger can't even stand being in a same room with renjun. he's now doubting.