Anatomize .
"He who fears he will suffer, already suffers because he fears." — Michel De Montaigne .
Suffocating from the lack of ability to express the many layers of my inner self , made me into a detached and unimpressed character. Somehow , I am aware of my circumstances but I am always hesitant to take that "big leap of faith " . Year after year the calendar slowly rolls over giving us the false impression that we can reset our lives on the 01/01 with new diets , exercise , new friends and new habits . The lie of the century but most of us aren't aware that we get this opportunity every 24hours , but I am . Even though I possessed this ability , I never used it to my advantage . Looking to the moon , listening to the waves moving against the beach shorelines , my mind wandered .
The sky darkened and the large crowds of people left the beach to go home and finish the rest of the day with family and friends . On the other hand , I was alone . Just me and my alcohol . I unfolded my chair and cemented it firmly into the sand placing my alcoholic beverages at my feet , I opened my playlist . Going into a realm of tranquility and absolute calm , it was just too good to be true . Months of craving some alone time , just to think and absorb .
Finally .
Living an entire life of false pretenses and soulless humans , I knew what loneliness felt like . I am a solider . A lonely solider who's a long way from home , seeking a way back to sanity and pureness . Many of my nights ended in tears and desperation for help but no one helped . I was afraid of opening up to others about the parts of my life that still lingered in the shadows to this day . Persons never understand how badly it is when you want to overcome these traumas . They think your weak and sensitive . Well , letting it out takes times .
Everything takes time . Healing can take months or years because the heart , the eyes and mind are not aligned . On the day that you were born , a clean slate unsoiled of sins was handed to all of us .
