The most horrific day that if experience will haunt you forever. She says goodbye and I love you as she embraces me for what is un-be-known to me as the final time. Tears, pain and torture run through me as I walk into the room and see her lifeless body. Years go by but the torturous memory will never cease, I forever hide my tears from the world for I believe in not doing so I show weakness.
I never gave myself enough time to grieve and that has hardened me. I hide my pain behind masks I’ve created over the years, everyone one of them different, unique, and dangerous if pushed too far. People understood my pain for a while, but that all ends over time. They want to no longer see the angry little girl, but I didn’t know how not to be angry. I learnt to late that I need to mask my true emotions and put on a fake smile.
My masks are now so plentiful that even the people I allow close to me have to dig deep into me to find out who is the true me and who the masks are. I called myself idiotic because it’s been so long since the incident, but I never looked at the bigger picture. Loss is hard, but loss of someone I love is the hardest thing I ever had to experience, no one expects me to get over it immediately it takes time.
Now I look at myself and see the little girl who had to grow up to quickly and now all she wants is to relive those days. I prior away from open doors and hide deep inside cupboards, where no one seems to look to find me. But one day the cupboard doors will open and the pain and torture I’ll be rid of, the person who opens the cupboard is the one I love. So I sit here deep inside this cupboard waiting for him to open it and unveil me. Yet as long as I live the memory of her face will never cease.
