Equinox

Soon You'll Get Better

Edward was a shadow in the house. He hovered in doorways and stared at her from across the room, always with that guilty expression. She wasn't the mind reader but she knew what he was thinking. He thought all of what happened to her was his fault and had he never come into her life, it would've never happened. Perhaps he was right.

She could've lived that alternate life with dating Ben Chenney and lived her short, ordinary human life and be none the wiser that vampires and werewolves existed. She would've gone to college and eventually became a nurse. She would've gotten to see her little brothers grow up. She would've been able to get married and have kids and grow old.

She could spend decades thinking about all she had lost if Edward Cullen had never bothered to talk to her. Except that world was no longer hers as it died the moment her heart stopped beating. She had been truthful with Carlisle that she didn't want to live her new life as if every day was a purgatory she was stuck in. She didn't want to live her life hating what she was. It was going to be a very long life and that was a very long time to be miserable.

She found herself spending time around the piano, letting her fingers play the notes she could still remember. She played Chopin, Bach, and Beethoven. She was rusty and made several mistakes but that didn't stop her. It was one thing she was able to keep and playing gave her a piece of her human life back even how small.

She could pretend she was playing on Old Bess. Her mother was cooking lunch in the kitchen. Her brothers were playing with their toys in their room. Her father was doing the crossword on that day's newspaper. And if she closed her eyes and pretended hard enough, she would be home.

She stopped playing as she heard Edward stop at the doorway, the abrupt note ringing throughout the quiet room. He stayed at the doorway, leaning on it, not moving closer. She stared at him and sighed. She was having enough of his behavior.

"If you wanna come in, just come in," She told him. "Or leave. But don't stare at me. It's creepy."

He winced. "I'm sorry."

She expected him to turn around and leave like he'd done so in the past but he surprised her by stepping into the room and took a seat on the armchair a few feet away. He wasn't near her but he was facing her. The space between them was a chasm neither of them knew how to cross. She looked down at the keys and tried to remember the notes for Moonlight Sonata.

"Um, it's..." He cleared his throat. "I can show you how to play it."

She stared at him warily but nodded. He got up and moved closer to her at human speed. She knew he could've moved much faster but moved slow on purpose not to startle her. She let him take the seat beside her on the bench. He watched his fingers, his deep voice softly explaining the notes to her.

Her fingers slowly remembered the flow of the melody and he smiled as she began to play it. It wasn't smooth or as beautiful as he would've played it. But there was a melancholy to her rendition. She always thought the song was somber and she could now understand it on a deeper level than she ever had before. It sounded like loss, like grief.

She stopped playing as her eyes were tearing up again. "Why did you leave me?"

"I needed to," He confessed, ashamed. "Alice kept seeing you as a vampire and I thought if we left, that wouldn't happen."

"So, your solution was to just leave without even a goodbye?" She stared at him disbelief. "Not even a note explaining yourself. You just left me and I had to wonder what I did wrong to make you do that."

He was quick to try and reassure her. "You did nothing wrong. You are amazing-"

"Amazing? But not enough for you to send me a text or an email," Her voice was rising in anger and she exhaled to calm herself down. "Did I not deserve at least a proper goodbye?"