Please don't...

In a car sitting side by side. I could hear your breath. It wasn't a risk I was willing to make. If only I could reach for you. I reach out my hand towards you. I quickly move my hand to the volume. The music doesn't even flow I finally get over this fear and anxiety holding on. With your left hand, I always held. You placed your hand on my chest. I wish you couldn't feel my heartbeat. I heard it through my ears. I am only opening my lips. I know what you are going to say, don't just say that. I drop my head. A tear falls down my cheek. You go to wipe it away.

"Please tell me why. Why won't you accept my love for you?"

"Don't know why."

"Don't know why?"

I lean back in my seat away from them. I cover my face with my hands wiping away my tears. You unbuckle and leave the car. I try my best to not reach for you to leave. I want to draw another minute and a second. I pull off. My eyes start to blur from the tears. The empty road rushes me. It doesn't take much for you to forget me.

I take turns left and right, not really knowing where I am going. I end up in a familiar place. I'm in front of your house that came back round and round. I look towards the memories. Some were the best I have ever had. Others were the most painful. I'm used to the tears coming out.

The next day comes quickly. Coming like the tides. Rushing to reach the shore before they crash. Here the day has come far. I have passed your house more than once on this day. I feel like I'm lost. I remember that night.

"Don't do this, please don't leave, please"

"Don't know why."

"Don't know why?"

I have looked out the window many times today. The clouds sat in the sky. I can you. Beyond the windows that don't rain. The rain pours harder. You are fading away. Dreaming of you is no help to me. Having to let you go is not as easy as words. I turn away from it. I rapidly face you. I turn around and throw me away without seeing you.

I acknowledge the tears falling down my face again. Are you really worth the tears? I need to wipe my tears off, should I use the handkerchief you gave me in my pocket? Why don't the trembling stop? I keep seeing you in everyone. Just the constant reminder that you are not mine. Even if I pretend to be crazy and try to catch you, my body doesn't listen to me well. I try to leave my car. My body is drunk with your scent in the car. I finally leave the car. The bed feels cold without you in it.

"I don't wanna wake up forever."

"Please don't do this, please don't leave, please."

"Don't know why"

"Don't know why."

I arrive at your wedding years later. Above the empty seats, you left. The car still smells the same. Only the cold scent remains. It hasn't changed.
I take my seat. You are in the isle.

"Don't do this, please don't leave, please."

"Don't know why."

"Don't know why?"

If this is the way it must go, then so be it. I was willing to wait, however, you didn't bat an eye in my direction. I'll only hold the remaining scent. You see me in the front row. A tear dares to fall down my face as I fail to hold the tears in. I mouth towards you, "Come back to your place."